Ask Mr. Teachbad

Mr. Teachbad is attempting to capitalize on the long-standing tradition of the advice column. I am inspired most, of course, by Miss Manners. Then there was the dynamic duo of Dear Abby (now written by her daughter)and Ann Landers (they were sisters, don’tcha know?). In the modern age we have Dan Savage, Dear Prudence, Ask a Black Dude, and so many more. Since I don’t have an actual column, we will just do it here on the Teachbad Blog.

Here’s how it works:

You, the reader, submit to me a question or problem you need resolved that should be at least tangentially related to teaching and described in a couple hundred words or less. No problem is too big or too small; too bizarre or mundane; too freaky or geeky. Bring it on. I can help. If I can’t help you, I bet I can make you laugh. If I can’t make you laugh, I bet I can make somebody else laugh at you. That’s something, right? Don’t be so selfish. It’s not all about you.

Help me help you to help me help you. I mean it. We can do this. But you have to believe in me. And you have to agree that I may edit your question for length and I may insult you.

Put “advice” in the subject line. I will not include your email or any other information. If you sign off as “Pissed in Peoria”, that’s the way the world will know you.

You could also be:

Fucked in Flagstaff
Sad in Salem
Dissed in Denver
Wasted in Washington
Nerdy in the Netherlands
Depressed in the West
The Beast from the East
Drunk in Des Moines
Lost in Los Angeles
Blood on Your Saddle
Reading in Reading
Caught on Cape
Trailer Teacher
The Phallus from Dallas (maybe check this one for copyright)
Morose in Montrose
With Gaul from St. Paul
Hoping to Die-O Here in Ohio
Maybe you are:
The Duke of Dubuque
Hell, you could be
Larry from Gary or
Austen from Boston

…so many other possibilities. I don’t really care. Just send me a question.

We’re open for business and ready to make a difference. For kids.

Mr. Teachbad
[email protected]

10 Responses to Ask Mr. Teachbad

  1. Wallace Stegner says:

    Yesterday I tried a newly devised tactic to close the achievement gap. I had the class use a graphic organizer known as a fishbone to see what they thought the achievement gap was. It was evenly divided between males and females. I took suggestions. We made new rules and all the students felt that we had clearly closed the gap. I checked Guiness, and I was stoned! New record for closing the gap! So, you want to know how they did it? …….Guys zipped up and girls cleaved more. I took pics and put them on the wall and everything. I hoping I win a computer that works.

  2. Teacher of the F-ing Year says:

    Dear Mr. Teachbad,
    Last week, after using various behavior supports that had no chance in hell of getting through to the ADHD-riddled mouth-breathing-chronic-pen-clicking-chair-rocking-“Why do I have to do this?” whiner in period four who refused to do the simple reading I requested of the entire class, I told said student to “take his whiny baby ass outside because I was out of diapers. ”
    Now the woman who, all evidence shows has neglected parental duties for 13 years, has gotten her thong in a twist because I used the word “ass.” Her spawn is responsible for dropping more F-bombs than Rahm Emmanuel, but apparently I crossed the line with the use of “ass.” So, what do you think? Do I offer up an apology for unprofessional language, or do I sue her ass for infliction of mental cruelty due to her spawn’s daily barrage of whining, complaining, sighing, pen-clicking, talking when I’m talking, crotch grabbing (his own), and not understanding that he has to bring a piece of paper with him in the morning when he leaves for–where these past 15 weeks?–Oh, that’s right, school.
    Signed, Hot Under the Collar in Hawaii

    • Ostracized in Orange County (CA) says:

      My second year of teaching, I got lectured to no end and had to grovel for an apology in a meeting with the parents, the student, and the principal because I said “hell” in class: “Please stop talking to ______ and pay attention so you’ll know what the hell is going on in class.” Mom thought I was the antichrist for saying such a thing.

      • Hopeless in Hockessin says:

        Your story seals it: You are the antichrist. What the hell were you thinking?

        During class time, I have learned to subvert my tendencies to swear like a trooper. However, at lunch, it’s “Katie bar the door!” Ya gotta let it all hang out sometime or other.

      • Teach Florida says:

        Once, a friend of mine told a kid to “stop acting like a jackass.” The predictable uproar occurred. Student said he was embarassed and devastated, he didn’t know if he could return to class, principal was threatening to write the teacher up, teacher apologized to entire class….finally the teacher called home and dad said, “So? He is a jackass.”

  3. Dear Mr. BadTeach:
    Imagine all the crap you’ve heard and experienced and multiply that by 23 years and you would feel my pain. If I were you I’d get out of teaching, fast. Check out my blog, I’ve added you to my list.

  4. R Pitre says:

    I would love for you to be our guest speaker at our next staff development meeting. Unfortunately, there are too many budget cuts in our area to hire you. So we will be studying data of our students to track where they are academically. I certaintly can’t determine this on my own as I am incompetant. A million dollars well spent on testing and data. Brilliant!

  5. DarwinsRetriever says:

    During the faculty meeting, they showed us “Waiting for Superman” and announced that Michelle Rhee will be at our next charter company meeting. Should I just shoot myself now?

  6. maureen says:

    Sir, good day. I have read your site General Teacher Interview Questions. It gave me a lot of concepts and notions.
    I applied as a teacher in a nearby school. Next week will be my interview, April 11 to be exact. We are already given questions to be answered during our interview. I would like to ask your opinion and viewpoint regarding this matter. This is the question assigned to me. “What is your contribution to improve quality education now and then if you are hired as a new teacher?” Your response is highly appreciated. Thank you so much Sir! More power to your site.

  7. Ellie says:

    Dear Mr. T,
    What should I do about an 8.5 year old who acts like she’s 2? She uses this little baby voice, crawls on all fours, and just generally acts like a complete pain in the ass. We have a 3/4 preschool class and I don’t see those kids acting like K. Her mom comes into school quite often, and it’s enough to make you lose your lunch. We were in the library listening to a story read by the librarian. K’s mommy put K on her lap and was rocking her, and then she PICKED HER UP and held her. ALthough she sees her every day, very often at school, whenever K sees her mother, she screams “MOMMY!!” , as though Mommie-dearest was just released from a long stretch in the Gulag, and leaves our class line to run to her to be picked up etc etc. Please. In the interests of of my quickly-diminishing sanity, what do I do? (Suggestions that will get me locked up are unnecessary-I’ve already thought of those.)

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