Archive for the ‘Poems’ Category

The Crux

Can I rebuild you A seventeen year old From the ground up? Can I reconfigure your Attitudes, habits and values? And teach you to read In 4000 minutes? Can I splash a fresh coat of paint over Seventeen years of Emotional neglect and slack parenting Stewed in a vat of deep fried Intellectual mass suicide? This is my mission (Spoken only quietly) I prayed that I could But I can’t do that Not any more than I can read to you When you were a baby (Crux: 1. the decisive point at issue; 2. a difficult Read more [...]

Planning and Improv

Today in my class something pretty cool happened. I was teaching the fundamental principles of the US Constitution. They way I teach it, there are six. I put my students into six groups. Each group was to create a poster that did three things. It was to 1) define or explain the principle, 2) create some sort of drawing that represents this principle, and 3) write a poem/song/rap/etc that expresses the idea of this principle. (Multiple learning styles in da house.) Then each group would teach their Read more [...]

You’re Sorry?

You’re what? Don’t be sorry Be quiet If you were sorry, you’d stop You’d shut the hell up You’d listen and work But you continue Making noise and being rude In my basement I have boxes and buckets and baskets and barrels of sorry Between the work bench and the bench press Under the stairs and piled in the back closet I painted my house with sorry I pack fragile packages to mail with sorry I’m out of room I can’t get rid of the shit Stick that sorry up your ass

Do You Like Fridays?

Never known a group To fetishize the Friday So much as teachers Always to one another Of its nearness we must speak I think everybody who works some sort of basic Monday through Friday job appreciates Friday. It’s the last day of the work week. When it’s over you get two days off. That’s not hard to understand. If you’re the president or you work at a movie theatre or a bar or something like that, it’s different. But Friday holds a special place in most of our hearts. Teachers have taken this Read more [...]

More Fat Kids

Fat kids’ PDA Like baked potatoes fighting Over the butter This poem is dedicated to my favorite obese boyfriend and girlfriend at school. They can often be seen waddling the halls together, sausage fingers locked linked (yeah, that’s funnier); or in a deep embrace, each pair of chubby little arms trying to complete its lover’s circumference. One time I saw them walking to school sharing an enormous jelly donut. I wanted to slap it out of their hands. Or at least grab it from them and make them Read more [...]

Why Do Teachers Quit?

Professional respect Intellectual debate Pain and gain The battle of ideas Recognition Climbing the ladder Closing the deal Surprises New challenges and power lunches Trust and opportunity These are the crucial elements That animate the teacher And drive him To look for a new job The following is a comment from the last post. Here is the comment, in italics, and my response: I understand your blog is primarily a medium for venting, and having been a classroom teacher, it’s probably a necessary Read more [...]

Technocracy and the School Without a Soul, Part II

You loved them so much Those darlings in your classroom So, VP, tell me Why teach for just three years? Destiny calls you to lead OK, the question from the last post was: What are these people good at? Why are almost all of the administrators in my school very young and have very little teaching experience? Isn’t that odd? Why would you select people who don’t have very much teaching experience to lead and supervise those who do? That’s a fair question, right? I mean, usually the boss is someone Read more [...]


Good job everybody! This is what we’ve been waiting for. I hope everybody has a great break. We’ve earned it. Mr. Teachbad went out last night with a bunch of other teachers and tied one on. When we get together socially it always strikes me that there is so much talent, expertise, goodwill, and friendship among us, that it’s a shame so many of us will have moved on by this time next year. What would the administration have to sacrifice to create a professional environment such that, say, 80% of Read more [...]

Everyday Indignities

Every time I crap I must first wipe a kid’s pee From the toilet seat It’s the little things like this that sort of pile up on me. Can I make a phone call when I want to? No. Can I use the bathroom when I want to? No. Can I read this blog or look for something on YouTube, even something for my students? No. Must I be deferent to morons? Yes. Am I generally treated like a child? Most definitely. Mr. Teachbad

Pushy Parents a Problem?

Hey, Everybody- This goes out to alex102 and his sister who have requested a poem about aggressive, pushy parents who represent a repulsive and stressful element of teaching. Now, this isn’t an area of expertise for me. I don’t have the most hands-on parents. But here we go. We’ll try Tanka: 5-7-5-7-7. Let me know what you think. Where has the time gone? Seems we talked not long ago About your damn kid You know, he’s just not that smart Call me again…I’ll kill you Congratulations on making Read more [...]