Archive for the ‘Meeting Crimes’ Category

Top 10 Reasons Teaching Sucks

Ladies and Gentlemen- I may have just distilled the entire teaching universe down to 10 talking points. See what you think. Let me know. TOP TEN REASONS YOU MAY NOT WANT TO BE A TEACHER 10) Become object of widespread public scorn; 9) Dignity offered as sacrifice to unholy lovechild of Bill Gates and Michelle Rhee; 8) Lazy, whiny, stupid, absent and/or unprepared students (which studies have shown to be the fault of teachers); 7) Need to use the bathroom? Great!! Your planning period Read more [...]

I Hope You Are Settling In

By now everybody is back to work. Some have been at it for a long time already. I hope you are all settling in alright. Many of you are probably still stinging, sore and swollen from the many days of indoctrination and team-building to which you have recently been subjected. It takes time to heal. Alternate heat and cold. Stay hydrated. At this point, you may or may not be glad you didn’t have the guts to light yourself on fire in the gym like you planned. Last night I was rereading a couple Read more [...]

Teachbad and Jay Mathews: Part 2

To fully appreciate this post, you should probably take a quick look at the last post if you have not already. This is the continuation of a dialogue between myself and Jay Mathews, education writer at the Washington Post, about the school where I formerly taught, Columbia Heights Education Campus(CHEC). (I promise the next post in this blog will mark a return to the offensive silliness at which it most excels.) Jay Mathews: Thanks Peter. This makes some sense in isolation. You make a Read more [...]

Two Silly Things at Two Different Schools

First, my school. Last week we had an all-day PD on Friday. I could probably just stop here and let you make up your own jokes, but I believe in working harder than that. Questions I know you have: 1) Were there new acronyms? 2) Was there a PowerPoint? 3) Was the PowerPoint difficult to read both on screen and in the handouts? 4) Were teachers periodically asked to reflect on certain points and then share them with a partner at the table? 5) Did the presenter assure us that she had been to an “all-day” Read more [...]

Teacher Fakes Bomb Threat To End Faculty Meeting

FAKE EDUCATION NEWS Louisville, KY Just off the grounds of Fairdale High School in Louisville, KY a makeshift banner has been hung in honor of 11th grade English teacher Jason Cooley. The banner reads simply: “Thank You”. Flowers are strewn about, below and around the banner. An enormous heart has been constructed out of what appears to be PowerPoint handouts. A small group of teachers sits to one side in a circle with candles alight. They are singing. Mr. Cooley, 29, has been arrested and charged Read more [...]

When Truth Sneaks Up On You

It was a Tuesday just like any other. It wasn’t quite Wednesday, but at least it wasn’t Monday anymore. I walk into the 8:00am small learning team community cluster group meeting and take my seat. I don’t remember today specifically, but I probably sigh heavily as I sit down. The meeting has already started. Someone passes me the sign-in sheet. I sign in. Today we are talking about data. Everyone reports out how many A, B, C, D and Fs they gave in the first quarter. It turns out that a huge Read more [...]

Don’t Worry…We Have a Protocol For That

My school is very big on routines and protocols and has a general soul-crushing fetish with doing everything, and then more things, in the prescribed manner and documenting these things on the necessary forms to be logged in their proper places at the required times. (Don’t worry. It’s all for the children.) They appear to be doing nothing if not their best to squeeze any bit of joy and play there might still be lurking around the profession of teaching. The five meetings per week that I attend Read more [...]

Differentiate This

So, how’s everybody feeling? Some of us just finished our first Wednesday of class. The Wednesday…that’s a classic feeling. Others are doing their PD now. Things for them can’t be going well. We’re sorry. But at least you were still on vacation last week. And at least it’s Wednesday. Still others don’t have anything to do yet. I think I speak for the rest of us when I say, “That must be nice.” If you are over 30 or so, you might remember when “summer vacation” meant that you were “on vacation Read more [...]

Oh, Crap

That was fast, wasn’t it? (If you start after Labor Day, piss off.) I’ve been in a literal and figurative fetal position most of the day. I’ve been receiving condolences from former colleagues. Tomorrow we begin. One week of 75-85% bullshit coming right up, sir. Then the kids come. I don’t know what you do at your school, but we have one full week with all the teachers there for a combination of touchy-feely, get to know each other, team-building bullshit and indoctrination. The other 15-25% Read more [...]

Do I Have To Be In A Teachers’ Union?

I’m a line worker Education factory Waiting for the bell First, let me say that I love unions. If you are a migrant avocado picker, janitor, coal miner, office cleaner, or assembly line worker; you should get yourself into a union right away. And they will help you. Why do you need help? Because you possess no special skills or knowledge. You are easily replaceable. If you have issues or complaints, about anything, it’s not worth the boss’s time to try to make you happy. If you have extraordinary Read more [...]