Back To School Badness
In this season of new beginnings, I was thinking about the many different cracked and crap-crusted lenses through which I have written about the start of a new school year. Lacking the energy to think of a new way, I have constructed a chronological compendium of my thoughts on the subject.
From the irresistible and irrational panic of mid-July to the week-long faculty circle-jerk of mid-August to the familiar self-loathing and resignation of mid-September…we’ve got it all.
Let us begin…
July 20: Teacher Somehow Not Getting Fired (In which a terrible miscalculation has been made.)
…I have been nauseous and waking up soaked in sweat for a week now…OH MY GOD! Do you understand!? I’m going to have to go back there.…this…this is crazy! I thought I had positioned myself to unquestionably be let go in a budget cut or something…I peed in the drinking fountain. I call all the Hispanic kids Speedy Gonzales. I have lost every textbook I’ve ever been issued….
July 26: BACK TO CLASS!! (In which the power of denial is tested.)
Is it time to panic yet? No. Not yet. But it’s in the mail. I’m starting to get that “shit, where’d the summer go?” feeling. The Sunday paper came today (Sunday) and it was full of back-to-school crap….I saw two or three little advertisement/circulars that had dropped out of the paper. I saw them plainly. It was back to school this and back to school that and save on your back to school shit here and save on your back to school shit there. But is was like in a dream. Like maybe I didn’t really see them. Maybe I was hallucinating. Or maybe everybody in the advertising department at the paper and at all of the companies who had purchased ads had made the same, terrible mistake….
August 15: Oh, Crap (In which idiocy is revealed.)
…We start each day with a Quaker reading. We stand in a circle, about 100 people, and somebody reads a touchy-feely quote about teachers or children or puppies or some crap. Then everybody stands around like an asshole for a little while until somebody finally says something about the quote…
August 19: The Fear In Their Eyes (In which requirements are described and new teachers cry.)
…There is an extraordinarily complex and subjective evaluation system. There is a meticulously detailed, inflexible and absolutely unrealistic discipline system. There are hall pass, tardy, locker and dress code policies that administrators must have rehearsed over and over in order to describe with a straight face….I remember my first year here. I spent the first four months on the verge of a heart attack. Requirements are so extensive, detailed yet unclear, explained so poorly, change so often and, in fact, cannot all possibly be complied with such that everyone, by default, must fail….
September 1: Re-acclimation (In which the administration shoots itself in the foot and new teachers continue to cry.)
…my thoughts turn to the new people. They are all a mess. I’ve been making it a point to check in with them. They are not feeling good. One woman I have never seen before grabbed my arm in the middle of the hallway this morning at 8:02 and was terrified that she was late for some bullshit meeting and could I please tell her where it was. I told her that the good news was that there was no 8:00 meeting today and the bad news was that the meeting was during her planning period. She was so grateful…They can’t possibly comply with or even fully understand what is “required” of them. They get criticized severely for this. They get frustrated. They realize that, strictly speaking, they cannot succeed….
September 6: Teacher Psyched About Getting Same Room (In which a twisted silver lining is found.)
…I own this place. Make no mistake. THIS is my domain and I intend to use it to leverage my power. I am going to fuck with the new teachers and make them my dependents. By the end of September, none of them will have any idea how to make copies, where to exit for a fire drill, or whether or not their department chair is a crack dealer. It’s all about information and, bitches, I intend to control it….
September 16: It’s All About Communication (In which administrators display ineptitude and contempt for teachers.)
My new administrator, whom I had never spoken to or exchanged email; who I had met only once in a 45 minute meeting with 20 people, thought that the following email was the best way to initiate one-on-one contact with me (context: this is the weekend before school starts. My room obviously is not ready and I am obviously coming in over the weekend to work on it):
Hello Mr. Teachbad:
I have examined your classroom to assess whether your class is ready for the first day of school. It is a part of your professional responsibilities to have a clean, safe, and learning-conducive classroom for your students. I assessed whether 1) you had areas labeled for a standards-based classroom (i.e., student work, data, etc.), 2) it was neat and tidy, and 3) other room guidelines were adhered (i.e., no adhesives on the wall, classroom library, and accessibility of textbooks). Find below what you still need to do prior to the start of the first day on Monday, August 23. I will visit your classroom again on tomorrow to ensure it is ready for the students on Monday. You may visit the online staff handbook to get further guidance on what is expected in all classrooms in addition to contacting me….
A friend of mine a thousand miles away had the best response: “I can feel the stick up her ass from here.”
Welcome back, everybody.
Mr. Teachbad
The most major thing I worried about yesterday?
1. Will I get to class on time?
2. Will I be able to get this fake poop off of my hazmat uniform without screwing up and thereby pissing off my nursing instructor?
3. What flavor of ice cream should I buy in Walmart?
I’m not loving the lack of income, but I am sure loving not being a full-time classroom teacher.
I hear you OlliOlli. Quitting = best thing I ever did. All the “dread” is gone. Never happier.
I love the September 6th comment. As one of the most senior and most despised teachers (by principal) I will no longer be “helpful”. In the last 3 years anyone I spoke to or tried to help has disappeared in June, never to be seen again. “I don’t know nothing bout nothin!”
forgot to click notify button.
“Oh crap!” indeed. Our system has “Convocation” (cheerleading dog-and-pony show) for an entire morning before starting the touch-y feel-y stuff. Elementary Ed folks wear identical T-shirts denoting which school they belong to. They cheer. Middle and high school teachers fidget, look at their watches, and think, “I could be in my room doing something useful.” The year it was a morning picnic in the park near the playground with games was an ultimate fail.
My retired friends (and now, I can too)get together for brunch and mimosas during Convocation. We think sympathetic thoughts and rejoice because we aren’t there.
Good times.
I would shoot myself. All I want is my schedule, my room assignment, a working copy machine and some paper. In other words, I WANT TO WORK!
Do you live in a mid-sized city in Central Texas, by some chance?
We have the same crap in our district. Except here not all the elementary ed teachers have the matching shirts (because they’re not about to waste money on that shit) and don’t cheer (because they’re sitting in the back with their headphones in, surfing the ‘net on their phone). Until about their third year of teaching, and learn that they can sleep in and just show up at their home school around 9:30…
not that I would know this from personal experience.
Hey, you all, the superintendent told us we were still $500,000 out of balance on our budget on the first day back for teachers. On the second day back, during our “professional development” we got to bang on drums for an hour (the same shit GSA did and got shellacked for), and it only cost the district about $8000. On the third day, we got to listen for 6 hours to some shmoe (dickhead) tell us how to make our classrooms “learning centered” at a cost of about $15-20,000 for a two-year program. On the fourth day, I had to spend about an hour apologizing to my staff for the utter waste of their time for the three days previous, welcomed 13 new teachers (out of 24) and promised them that they would not have to do anything but teach their classes and try to put the last three days of bullshit behind them. I almost quit my job, but then I remembered that if I don’t try to protect them from the central office and run interference to keep away the bullshit, then they really will have to do word walls, collect meaningless data, construct numerous graphic organizers, and the myriad of other horseshit these people have sold the district. Yes, I am the principal, but I will not have my teachers and staff abused.
You’re a principal?! Really?!
It sounds like you haven’t drunk the kool-aid and might know from whence that expression comes. It also sounds like you are both pragmatic and have a keen sense of humor. Wow!! I wish I could work for someone like you.
Please keep fighting the good fight for your faculty. We need more people like you.
Will you hire me?
Hooray! someone in middle management who understands that their role is to be he umbrella so the shit doesn’t hit their workers, not someone who shovels it downhill even faster.
I am always amazed at people who would never survive in business tell me, who was in “the real world,” that teachers need to operate more like a business. We’d get rid of one (ineffective) manager per five workers, that’s for sure.
Thanks, for the ray of hope in the fountain of despair.
Oh how I long to work for a principal like you…
Teachbad,
I have adored you past comments and thought they were hysterical and point on. My question here is really only to you. First off, are you still teaching? I remember in some post (I subscribe on FB and here old school email(, that you were not teaching anymore.
I am a 28 year veteran who can bounce in three years. Hard core union supporter and rep here. To the point, if you aren’t teaching anymore why in the hell are you still posting stuff. If you are teaching, my apologies. If you aren’t teaching my god dude MOVE ON.
Typical numb and/or nuts teacher, who can’t get out of teaching, and so you complain and try to put those of us down who did get out of teaching. Why can’t he have an opinion on teaching? Just like people who don’t vote because they are smart enough to know it is a waste of time, can still have an opinion about politics. Just like people who ask for a judge trial instead of a jury, because they don’t want to be judged by some fools who couldn’t get out of jury duty. Get over your brain washing. The system of Education is terrible in this country and the only ones who realize this are the one who get out. Those of you stuck there are stuck there because you can’t get out or you are too afraid of losing your “Retirement.” (In which case I suggest you read the poem, “Retirement” by Charles Bukouski.)
Think of it this way, how many teachers went through “Teacher Education” and realized it was a waste of time, but didn’t do anything to improve it and make it worthwhile? WE are all guilty of perpetuating a sick and dead education system.
And by the way, those teacher unions are weak, especially in California.
And, lastly, let me guess, you teach art or pe? Not math or English, right? Get over yourself, or go into administration–the place where the people who don’t like teaching and are not good at it wind up because they cannot do anything else.
While I agree with the majority of what you are saying, I’m not sure why you felt it necessary to take a dig at special area teachers. We work just as hard, and have just as many responsibilites, as core area teachers. This attitude by my fellow teachers is a big part of the reason I am getting out.
Soon To Be EX Music Teacher,
I think there was a time, not too long ago, that area teachers did have it somewhat easier. However, that is certainly a thing of the past. Some teachers who are not area teachers are simply not aware of this. Anyway, like you, I need to get out too.
I enjoy writing it and people keep reading. It seems to do no harm.
Mary, he does it because it probably feels even better than before (when he was teaching) to post about this joke of a “profession”. If and when I finally get the hell out (quit!), I’ll be even more active on boards/blogs like these. I know it will feel even better to talk and joke about all of this garbage.
I have all of the above symptoms plus one: knowing in advance what chaos is waiting for us once the kids get a real feel for our district’s new “discipline” code.
According to the Posers-That-Be who make up this shit, our schools need to stop punishing kids and instead find ways to work with children and patiently figure out why they continue to break the rules: “We have to say, ‘Why are you coming to school out of uniform, and what can we do to support you? What can we do to get you in uniform, or get you a uniform?’”
I can so (not) hear myself asking, “Is there are reason you won’t sit down, turn off the loud music and stop making personal phone calls on your no-electronics-in-school device?”
I’m already fastening my seat belt and wearing a crash helmet for the hell this year is going to be. Cursing teachers out, coming late and cutting class are no longer punishable!
Let the chaos begin.
LOL We are supposed to ask the same thing…”How can I help you?”….Maybe I can stop talking (delivering lesson so you can hear each other better? LOL
UPDATE: found out today NYC DOE is adopting the kinder-gentler discipline code too. So excited that it will now be even more difficult to suspend kids. According to new policy, they can curse at us and not be suspended. Isn’t that nice?
Yup. Same here. Our sages decided to “compromise” and now allow studs to wear hats and use electronic devices during lunch. Because, you know, they’ll get it out of their system and be thankful for the compromise.
I just find a way to get them out of my building, helps keep my creative juices flowing, and the teachers seem to prefer it over what you guys have to do.
Oh, holy crap. May God have mercy on all your souls.
We’re still setting up our classrooms. I transferred to another school to get away from the beast of a principal that roamed our school. She was a pure animal. I know I’m in a better place (I somewhat got the position through someone close to the principal). Still, it’s teaching for the NYC DOE so I know it won’t exactly feel like heaven every day. That being said, I’m actually glad I got it this way (I would have never wanted it this way before) because I got my last position strictly through my own merit which left me VULNERABLE. So, I now see things in a different light. Bottom line, whatever gives you a better chance of being left alone to simply do your job. So, we will see how things go. Chances are I will still want to find another profession eventually. That I have little doubt about.
Gee, tomorrow will be our 12th day already. How do I know? Well the student who got suspended for 10 days for being drunk at school on the last day of last year (think she was celebrating summertime?) showed up in class today.
“Bottom line, whatever gives you a better chance of being left alone to simply do your job”. Yep, although I just can’t seem to keep my mouth shut when the asinine administrative directives like “you will put three lessons and three quizzes on ‘Edmodo’ whatever the hell that is, this year. So we spent 3 professional development hours trying to figure that out. Fuck it, I’m waiting till next semester when everyone else has done it and someone can show me what to do quickly, put some bullshit on ‘edmodo’ and go from there.
There’s a big anti-bullying campaign this year. I wish the we had a hot line to call into to (like the new one and even an ap that has been set up) to report administrative abuses against the teachers.
Only three years or so left as long as I still have the “rule of 80″ available to use.
Just Googled that Edmodo thing…typical online collaborative bs which, as you realize, no one will even understand or bother to do.
Wow, 3 more years and you’re done. I’d give my left arm to be you!!!!!!!!
Anti-Bullying Campaign? That’s soooo last year. For NJ that is. After it was legislated or some crap by Biggie Bigs, Gov. Christie, the bully-ettes, aka, ineffective administrators, announced they would rigorously enforce the policy.
So, I report an incident in which a notorious discipline problem threatened another student. The bully admin said student in question was questioned and determined it was not a case of bullying because he said the other student had touched his hat.
You know, the hat he’s not supposed to be wearing in school..? (Except during lunch. Then it’s ok.)
For an 82 second taste of the passive-aggressive bullying in which we were herded out of our regular seats at a faculty meeting, enjoy this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r785p5atUzo
Can’t wait for the faculty seating arrangments this year.
I never ever post any actual lesson that anyone would use. Make sure your posted lessons involve rubber bands, fire of some description, and some sort of liquid, preferably with a dye (like red kool-aid). I particularly like it when admin then points these out as fantastic lessons we should be doing with our own little miscreants.
You’re lucky. We have the “rule of 88″ here. So many years to go…
Hi; Please don’t give up your website. Besides, providing comic relief, I think your site could become an important first step in actually solving educational problems in our schools.
While the country is on a union- busting fever that is determined to sell the idea that if America only renames a school “charter” an educational miracle will happen. They are selling the ” it’s all about the children ” theme as a way to destroy teachers unions. Sadly, this won’t help the children at all and we teachers know the truth. NCLB ensured that teachers had to be “highly qualified” and now amnesia has set in. We give the poorest children horrific facilitlies, feed them less than prison food for meals, pick their teachers pockets for supplies and do not provide for disruptive classmates to receive therapy in an alternate setting so that their classrooms have a learning climate.
Please tell me ( post) any information you might have on sites that deal with our issues. I know the union is working politically but I am hoping that there exist others who would actually like to fix the real issues destroying public education and have an honest discussion. Something inside is angry because I see that no matter whether the democrats or republicans win, education will lose no matter what. This is because the premise is all wrong in the first place. Hey, everybody , if your reading this you know the realities. Mr. Teachbad, why not make your sight a place where educators can do some real good???? Thank for your site.,
Teachbaby, you are right…and it’s all downhill from here. I predict unions will eventually disappear; it’s not a matter of if but when. In 3 years? 10 years? Who knows. I see pensions and tenure going bye-bye too with time. Anyone who is teaching I STRONGLY suggest you start working on a back-up plan, no matter your age or situation. NOTHING is stable/certain anymore. Not unions, tenure, or pensions.
On a side note, I have been reading amazing, and sad, comments on admin-teacher bullying. Check out the link below. It’s getting worse folks. I experienced big-time bullying last year. I believe it’s more than “mean” principals. I think it’s a plot of sorts to weed out anyone making more than the starting salary. Anyway, check out how prevalent this is! :
http://neatoday.org/2012/05/16/bullying-of-teachers-pervasive-in-many-schools/comment-page-1/#comments
http://neatoday.org/2012/05/16/bullying-of-teachers-pervasive-in-many-schools/comment-page-1/#comments
Wow – thanks for that link. This is a gigantic problem here in Philly so I just posted (ok, ok I “tweeted”) it on #phillyeducation.
I transferred to another school and definitely in a better place….but holy sh*t the paperwork just gets worse and worse….and worse every year. We ARE data analysts/specialists as well; no question about it. JESUS…
So we return today. On the agenda is curriculum mapping and unit planning. BUT-program/room distribution takes place WELL after the time aligned for writing maps, etc. LOL Gotta love it. New classroom again, the 3rd in 3 years. I am now across from the HAHIC and the room has not been inhabited by a regular teacher in a year. Can you say “storage room”. On a positive note, I got most of the classes I wanted and like the way my day is spaced out.