When Tuesday is Monday
I was driving home with my family last night. We were on our way back from the last big fun activity in a long Memorial Day weekend full of them. My wife’s mood suddenly darkened as she remembered that it was Monday night and she was going back to work in the morning. Millions of Americans were experiencing this same realization and mood shift at about the same time.
Then I suddenly remembered how much more intense and dreadful and panicky that feeling was when I was a teacher. A wave of it came over me right there in the car like a flashback from war.
I never figured out what that was. I know it doesn’t happen to everybody, but it happens to a lot of us. Does anybody have any idea why the very thought of being at work and having a completely routine day can cause so much anxiety?
People totally panic and loose lose sleep and get depressed over this. It can destroy a mid-afternoon Monday buzz in a heartbeat.
Is it anxiety, depression, guilt? How many teachers do you think experience this?
Anyway, I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you all. I hope you had a great weekend and that reentry wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. You may know this already, but I would also point out that summer is coming up fairly soon now. So you’ve got that to look forward to.
Take care of yourselves in the home stretch.
Mr. Teachbad
ps — Results of the Teacher Annoyance Survey and the Pick Your Coffee Cup survey will be announced soon. Hop on over there and complete them if you haven’t had a chance yet.
It was tough coming in today, however, it’s been like that everyday as of late. I just keep telling myself “4 more weeks” , “4 more weeks”.
I’ll be spending the summer trying to figure out how to find another job/career. At age 40, it’s not going to be easy. However, I’m going to try my best.
I’ll be transferring to another school too, hoping to land a school that is less evil than the one I’m at now (if that’s possible). Either way, they have it out for me which translated into U ratings all of a sudden; the year before I could do no wrong. It’s personal and I have a strong suspicion as to what it is.
Anyway, I have to transfer at the very least. With any luck, I’ll get out of teaching altogether within the next few years, if not sooner. Wish me luck…
Let me also add (sorry for drifting off your original topic) that I will NOT apply to a vacancy which starts off on the wrong foot with typical jargon right in the vacancy details; like the one below which is copied right from the actual vacancy:
“…teacher must be willing to plan collaboratively with colleagues during preps to align lessons and curriculum to the Common Core Learning Standards, differentiate daily lessons, look closely at student work to reach the level of perfection that the Common Core demands, strengthening student work by examining and refining curriculum assessments and classroom instruction, attend Professional Development and turnkey the workshops and are expected to attend after school events.”
Yeah, yeah…..FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This ego-maniac of a principal has the title “Dr.” in front of her name. Bad sign right there.
I hate “Dr.” principals. A very bad sign.
Perfection? Really?? I’ve read some insufferable job postings but never one that came right out and said they were aiming for perfection. Misguided and disturbing.
Wow. That seems like a lot to put in a job description. Many schools want all of these things from their teachers, but for it to actually be listed in the vacancy is a bit much. You probably want to avoid this one. Being happy at work is so important. Good Luck.
For me it is severe anxiety. I can actually feel a cloud of unhappiness start falling over me about 1-2 O’Clock on Sunday (Monday this week). I know that once school starts it will be whatever it is, but the time from mid-Sunday until my first class always makes me very unhappy.
It actually took me until about 4pm to become depressed on Monday….and it hit hard. I somehow got through a day of remediation with the kids who did not pass the end of grade test last week. I am hoping to get through three more of these days this week, and one next week before re-takes…after that, its three days of hell until the end of the school year on Thursday. Somehow, it’s these last 8 days that are the worst…
Honey it’s “lose sleep”, not “loose sleep”.
) I’m sorry but, as an English teacher, it is my duty to correct. Blessings be upon you.
Anyways, irregardless, they needs there sleeps.
“irregardless”??? You from St. Louis???
No Monday anxiety other than hungover from Sunday. As Alice sung “School’s out for summer!” (No, not forever, that’s a few years off.)
Maybe it is loose sleep. Teachers got to get comfort where they can. No, cancel that. Fellas, they’re called jailbait for a reason. If it is a match made in heaven, it can wait for 2 years.
I remember that feeling, sickening, my heart goes out to people who have to teach in such a stressful school as mine was.
I knew I had to leave teaching when I started getting the feeling on Saturday.
Wow Bill, I thought it was just me!!!!!
Yet another hint for me to find a way out of this diseased system.
Must…….find…….a way….
A cold terror grips me every Sunday night or – as the case may be – Monday night before I need to start work again the next day. Sometimes I can’t sleep. I really, really, REALLY wish I were being facetious. I will be looking for a new career this summer as well. I had several jobs before I idealistically decided to teach and, after what I’ve gone through, I can’t think of a single job that won’t seem like a piece of cake now by comparison.
Panic Attack, good luck in your search as well.
You’re right; I doubt any other job could compare to the HORROR of teaching.
I guess I’m lucky enough to teach in a situation where: #1 My subject, Spanish, isn’t tested, #2 There were 5 Spanish teachers in the 4 years prior to my coming to the district so after 6 years they seem happy to have me (other than one board member but I seem to have fallen off his radar this year-don’t have any of his kids anymore) and #3 I’ve re-learned to “fly under the radar”-for which I got excellent training in growing up through the Catholic system in St. Louis.
I did have one class this past year that was a royal pain in the rear. But by second semester 7/20 of the “students” (if you could call them that as they didn’t realize that a student is supposed to actually study things to learn) managed to not work themselves back to my class and worked themselves into another class.
Although I do have to go back for a couple of hours tomorrow to finish packing up my room-at least we didn’t have to have everything done by the last day.
Here is a link to disgruntled newer teachers:
http://teachers.net/mentors/beginning_teachers/topic13673/2.25.12.23.55.29.html
Here I am, 2 in the morning, not wanting to go to sleep because I don’t want tomorrow to come. I’m never up this late. Maybe because we are going to have Professional Development the entire day. God help me….
This is why I make sure I have a bottle of wine on hand for a glass (or 2) on Sunday evenings. Sunday Night Despair is a real thing.
That is, teaching drove me to drink.
Cheers.
1. Public speaking
2. Public speaking every day
3. Public speaking every day 3-6 Xs s day
4. Public speaking every day 3-6 Xs s day to groups of people
5. Public speaking every day 3-6 Xs s day to groups of people who have not fully developed the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex.
6. Public speaking every day 3-6 Xs s day to groups of people who have not fully developed the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex who are your audience by mandate not by choice.
I’m sorry, what was the question again?
Wow. You nailed it! I’ve never seen the stress of teaching analyzed this succinctly, though I’ve been struggling with the question “Why does this job seem to be giving me PTSD” all through my first year of teaching ESL at a high-need high school.
What’s disturbing to me is that this year I have had small classes (OK, with 4 or 5 behavior nightmares among the students), ample planning time, no testing pressure and a supportive administration. And the job STILL feels hard as hell.
Thankfully, imy first year is almost over, and maybe there won’t be a second year. I got into teaching after losing a longtime editing job that had supported my family for many years. Journalism jobs were not to be had, and a lot of ex-journalists I knew had found refuge in teaching. Most of them, however, were teaching at community college. I hope to go that route, combined with a part time job or two.
Karioki,
That’s what’s scary. You have no test pressures and a supportive administration and it’s STILL a very difficult job.
So just imagine a school like mine, where I am not only under testing pressures (5th grade), but also have a micro-managing, jargon-spewing administration from HELL.
I’m going to try and transfer to secondary (though I am seeking a new career) just to get away from the nightmares of elementary. Pilot programs (they’re all useless) fly in and out of the elementary schools.
My particular school is rubric-crazy as well. I’m surprised they have not “mandated” a rubric in my school for student’s breathing or blinking. Maybe someday….
Nailed it. I would like to add “Public Speaking with the need to be 100% on the entire time.”
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First off I am impressed you trusted me enough to know how to copy and paste. *sob. The intellectual freedom is overwhelming, not used to it… (*kidding, sorta). So thankful I found this site….after years and years of teaching and feeling disillusioned….why just the other day my P. was telling me how my ideas are old and I should read the new CCS…which by the way my ideas were based on after reading the CCS. (*confused face.) Keep up the good work.
11 yeard of high stress teaching has stressed my body so much that I’ve had to apply for disability.At 53 I’m fucked. I should have been an accountant. Or hooker. Something
gnosis
how goes the disability? I was rejected but am reapplying. hope you are coping alright.
Hi – I don’t know what state you are in, but here in CA it is thru the state teacher’s retirement system (STRS)since we don’t/can’t pay into social security. I’m just at the beginning – I am totally fubared with Fibromyalgia and other issues from the stresses of urban teaching – even though I’m in a highly rated district.I hear it is a little better because the standard is that you can do a”similar” profession rather than dig ditches. We’ll see….
Thx Gnossis
I’m just a bit ahead of you then. I live in CA too. Calstrs is a bit different than the soc security people. I’m not too impressed with how calstrs has handled things. I had to have my psychiatrist send the same info twice. The analysts there can’t seem to connect the dots….hmmm he went into the profession sans medication, then started taking meds…then switched quite a bit and increased the dosage and finally resigned. I waited 2 years to apply because I kept thinking I could do something else despite the narcolepsy. But it is just too overwhelming. My mom has fibromyalgia too. Sorry to hear that. I bet teachers get all kinds of stress related diseases.
The only way to get back on your feet quickly when you leave something like teaching is to start your own business, usually a service- based business. That’s what I did. I do lawn care and landscaping, mostly mowing lawns and things like that. I was lucky enough, though, to have a family member willing to capitalize me with equipment and things like that. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.
Bill,
I’m glad you found a way out. I’ll keep what you said in mind. I know I must find something else, eventually. Just admin alone can make or break you. The one I have now is a horror. I’m going to transfer, but even if it’s to a school with admin which is more normalized, how long will that last? I imagine even the few nicer Principals remaining will end up retiring or transforming into monsters like the rest of them. So, I must find a plan B sooner or later…
I mean really, I just didn’t know what else I was going to do. I just kind of looked around and got back to the idea of, ” I haven’t been trained in anything besides teaching, but what can I do that people just don’t have time to do themselves, that they will pay me for.”
Who has the time to go back to school and retrain when you’ve got a family and you’re in the middle of the race, you know?
Well, here in NY landscaping is tough with the long winters, but maybe I can think of something along those lines. Anything to get out of this living hell…
It is nice to find an oasis in the insanity. Most people with a clear head have to delude themselves into continuing to work in the dysfunctional holding pens of public education. Everyone begins to compress a bit at the thought of monday work but it is terrible for the average teacher.
I started noticing that the men that I sat with at lunch often said stupid, low brow sorts of thing around the table (right… isn’t that what men do in groups?) The thing is, I believe it was a reaction to the inane, stultifying travesty that they entered into every day. You are crossing an area pitted with landmines where you can’t scream about the elephant in the living room and have to keep the inmates in their places. The chronic self control necessary to hold that inside you day after day and not start to lose it is overwhelming. That’s probably why older teachers start to resemble gnarled trees on some windswept mountainside.
Mr. teachbad, you are too observant and honest to put up with the BS. It’s sad that you didn’t get to go out on your own terms but it would have been worse to have spent a lifetime in this prison camp and have nothing left to go back to. I left at 48 and am now applying for disability. I can’t believe I lasted over 20 years. I did do the peace corps as a teacher and suggest some of the folks that are looking for a way to get out of the rat maze, consider it. Overall, it was the best living experience I ever had.
Teaching for the corps? I’m 40 so not sure if it’s too late for me to do that. Have more details? I’ll do anything to get out of the living hell called teaching.
Oh, and as always, just when you think things can’t get worse, here comes “Special Education Reform”. This will be a real treat for me and other special ed teachers. For those who do not know what this next quick-fix nightmare is, here is a quick link:
http://www.uft.org/teaching/special-education-reform
Hmmmm….I wonder if I get enough paper routes….maybe I can leave teaching….lol
Peace corps…
look it up online. 3 mos training and 2 year service. Education is not always easiest sector to work in because benefits of critical thinking can adversely affect corrupt regimes…just look at our own ed system.
You can go home anytime. Tell them “Can’t take no mo” and they put you on a jet plane the next day or so. You return with 7 k or something like that.
caveats- don’t expect to get much done, but hey, you teach already so you should be well conditioned to an environment of low expectations. Look at the “work” part of PC as simply a vehicle so that you get to know the people around you.
It’s not easy at first, but the 2 years go by quick. 6 months after your there you will say “Oh my God… was part of the living dead and now I’m alive again.”b
amen brook. Teaching changes an individual deep in their soul. You nailed it when you said the constant self control and not being able to talk about the elephant in the room. At my school, the inmates are running the prison. I always have wine on hand now, never use to touch a drink. Ah well, summer is here and only 3 PD’s. Sincerely,a gnarled tree on some windswept mountainside.
Agreed.
Great discussion everybody. Thanks.
Don’t know if you have heard this, but wish we could use this everyday, all day.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MdBqJ3_ox0&w=420&h=315
It makes me sad to read so many posts where people feel so stuck. Life isn’t supposed to be about constant struggles and turmoil. I came to that conclusion this year after I turned 50 and watched a lot of Oprah (Lifeclass and the other shows on her station.) It’s been sixteen years and I’m done! I really loved my job when I started but with all the changes, limited chances to be creative, the expectations, the sheer boredom for me and the kids, being told how to teach by someone who has never worked in a classroom, and the BS, I finally decided I respected myself too much to have this bring me down any more. I’ve had a target on my back for 2 years. I was written up for something I did not do (and presented proof) and “officially” talked to for petty crap like being on the wrong page at the wrong time. You can’t fight them and there is no recourse (spelling?) So, I sold my teaching stuff on e-bay (made $600), put my house on the market and am moving out of state. I’ll start my own business, work part time jobs, walk dogs, whatever it takes. But I refuse to be treated like crap… not at 50. Luckily, I did other work before entering teaching so I have skills. ALL OF US have transferable skills. Stop thinking you are just a teacher!I Googled “Alternative things teachers can do for work” and came up with a list of ideas. There are and have been people in the same boat. Young teachers or newbies…develop an exit strategy. I think they should teach that in college or the credential programs. Life is too short to be unhappy, people. If my plan fails, then at least I know I tried.
We control our own destiny! When there is a will, there is a way.
RWD, I agree. Thanks for the words of encouragement for those looking to get out, like me. And yes, when you’re older it is even more insulting to be crapped on. I’m 40 and feel that way for sure. I’m not a child and do not want to be treated like one.
I wonder whether or not your assumption, “life isn’t supposed to be struggles and turmoil”, is correct. Most of my teaching career stressed me close to the breaking point, and the stress of trying to squeeze a living from my new business doesn’t exactly make for a restful sleep. This may be off the point of the discussion thread, but as we get older and accumulate responsibilities, perhaps we’re not entitled to the same equilibrium calm we once had. I guess it’s different, though, for different people.
wonderful comment! Thanks! I look back a wonder why I put up with so much till it made me – perhaps irrevocably – ill. I could have done a lot else. I think perhaps, teachers often have such high hopes for the world, that if they just try hard enough they will overcome the odds – and that you are just a loser if you give up. Its what we tell our students isn’t it? Again – good for you!
RWD–You can start a dog-walking biz for former teachers & name it “Walk Dogs, Don’t be Treated Like One!”
Seriously, though, your comment saddens me. I was lucky–yes LUCKY!–enough to have been a teacher in what I guess would be the “golden years,” when we really could be creative & have some teaching freedom. Also–for those of us in special ed.–the lawsuits had been filed & won, & there were actual ON THE BOOKS LAWS that REQUIRED that sp.ed. kids receive services…or else!
I retired just as the testing & charter schools reared their ugly heads. (I didn’t re-tire BECAUSE of that: my school district required that teachers put in 3 years prior to their retirement date.)
As I retired teacher, I pledge to all you actives that I will help you in any & every way I can. I will be your advocate, & I will encourage (or force!!) my retired colleagues to do the same. We cannot allow the powers that be (Pearson, Corporate America, etc.) to destroy our public schools.
Additionally–please enjoy the rest-of-your-life(ves)RWD & others–because this country was founded on the principle of “life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.”
We were meant to be happy, so go for it!!!
This observation is too true. I used to be in floor sales at conventions, and the stress of the public speaking when you are not supposed to be public speaking, the clusterfuck that you know the admin. has whipped up for you on monday morning (today were going to have a two hour class for testing. . . ) and that Sunday evening barrage of cover-your-ass emails from helicopter parents (“I am disappointed to discover that Little Sally has an “F”. I would have appreciated it if you could have made an appointment with me at my place of work to discuss this, and have shared this disappointment with your admin.. . .) make that monday morning not just hell, but unbelievable stressful. I have stopped checking email after noon on sundays for the no-sleep thing.
I think its because you remember on Sundays that on monday morning, you are going to be the only one accountable for whatever shit goes down. Admin wished you a wonderful weekend, enjoy the . . . but if you didn’t burn up the internet over the weekend with emails and posted lessons, come monday you are sure going to hear about it. . . and the parents. . . sometimes i have more solidarity with the students because by their looks they hate monday maybe almost half as much as the teachers. . .
My ex principal used to send me emails on fridays….”there are parents concerned about an event that took place in your room. Please see me early monday morning with your union representative.”
(BTW, a couple of my comments were posted as “Anonymous”; I’d prefer to be credited)
In the year and a half I’ve been gone from teaching, I’ve thought back many times on bold, courageous and perhaps, in the short term, extremely foolhardy ways I could have made a statement for sanity back when I was in the classroom. You know, things I could have said to administrators instead of cowering, ways I could have handled students that let them know I wasn’t taking their BS. I taught in a school in the SF Bay Area for a few years where I once left the classroom, taking with me a couple of students who wanted to make progress, and left behind the snickering bunch of idiots who wanted to bring the whole thing to a halt. We found an empty meeting room and conducted class in peace.
Once, again, at the same school, in which the curriculum was self paced (meaning they never had to finish)and administered mostly online, ( the students spent most of their time playing online games, fiddling with MySpace pages (this was the mid-2000s) and surfing for porn) I removed the plugs from all the computers (I had to undo dozens of twist-ties wrapping cables together) and locked them in a filing cabinet, giving students instead a sheaf of handouts to do by hand.
I wonder if any contributors here have ever stricken blows for sanity in similar
fashion, out of sheer desperation? I also once in 2010 wrote an email to a parent basically throwing administrators under the bus after she kept pestering me to change her son’s math grade on the basis of my supposed incompetence. The funny, and suicidal, thing about it was I cc’ed the administrators when I sent it.
Bill,
I think many of who are teaching now, or had taught in the past, may find it difficult to really say what they’d like for various reasons. For me, I did say some of what was on my mind; I did so when I felt like I had my back against the wall and things couldn’t get any worse. For me, being non-tenured was the biggest reason I held back.
It seemed like a possibility that I would get fired this year; simply because admin had it out for me. Funny, I was practically hoping to be fired. That way, I’d be forced to find another career, as difficult as it would be at age 40 and wanting to have kids with my wife.
Here I am, still wishing I would have been.
So, I’ll be looking to transfer which I know will only be a temporary fix. Even if admin is human-like, how long can that last?! Eventually, the good always disappears and are then replaced with the soulless. Regardless, the system is data-driven across the board, while charter schools are,and will continue, to replace public schools. Though I’m Tier IV, I see our pension disappearing down the road despite being grandfathered-in. Just like social security, it will be “now you see it, now you don’t” when my senior years arrive.
Your new admins will likely not be human-like in form nor substance.
I was constantly hoping to be fired. Jesus, put me out of my misery already, I thought. After I wrote that email to that parent, I was transferred to another school for the following year. I quit in October, 2 months in. Actually I went on stress leave, to be perfectly honest about it. 2 of my 3 classes were holding pens for kids who couldn’t pass a real math class. I would have preferred to have 5 classes, so I wouldn’t have to spend so much time with each class.
2/3 of my students were failing. I attended a meeting where the department chair said “37% for a student isn’t gonna cut it”. Meaning, of course, you’re not “cutting it” if your student is getting 37%.
The state of North Carolina in its wisdom apparently passed a law in 2009 or thereabouts mandating a shitload of extra paperwork for teachers with students in danger of failing a class. By paperwork, I mean a Byzantine software application that was so infuriatingly exacting and literal in the requirements for each field that had to be filled out that my head basically exploded when I tried to do what was required.
We had a training session for the PEP software. the VP in charge of this particular clusterfuck solemnly told us when we arrived that we were basically toast if we didn’t complete the forms for each student by October something-or-other. Then we waited for 45 minutes while Genius figured out that the teachers hadn’t been registered in the system yet, We were dismissed and told to basically go figure it out ourselves. Remember, I had about 50 failing students. It took me 4 hours AT HOME to get 6 of them partially put in. And I was filling out the fields with garbage. What I was supposedly going to do for the students to get them to pass, how many times a week it was gng to happen, start and end dates, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just made it all up. I kept getting error messages. I hadn’t filled out this field, or that field. Just a nightmare. And so, so unnecessary.
Hey, I’m sure all the posters on here have similar stories. How absurd this profession has become. How they’ve become trapped in it. God, writing about it brings it all back. The shame, the humiliation, the fury.
Jesus, people. Do yourselves a fucking favor. Either quit, or take a stand.Have a lunchroom meeting with your fellow teachers, the ones who aren’t sucking up to admin, and decide on a plan of action. Send all the boneheads, the ones who’ve checked out of your class, checked out of their own lives, send them HOME. All of you. At once.Together. Tell them not to come back. All of you. Together. And meet with the principal to face the shitstorm together. Just do something. God, I wish I did.
Whipped myself into a bit of a fury there.
Seriously, don’t do anything that will get you fired. But anyone that miserable in their job needs to consider leaving, somehow. You need to find a way to get out, at some point.
Funny you mention that extra paperwork for those in danger of failing. Btw, I’m on my prep and this is how much I care. I was just about to write how we had to do the same with those “in doubt” (which I did and it took countless hours) and this morning I get a call saying it must be done with anyone who has an IEP (that’s my whole class). As I’m starting to type this (no joking), I just got a call saying “oops, just the ones “in doubt”. The incompetence is rampant in this diseased system. Yes, I will find a way out. The transfer is just to make money to live as I find another path….which I will sooner or later (though not too much later).
….and so half an hour before I leave, the master of all incompetence (aka the principal) decides wait!!! No, no, every child with an IEP DOES need a checklist completed. Maybe tomorrow she will change her mindless mind once again??
You notice in the good ol days, it was enough to teach, use a text and give them a grade at the end of the semester. Now we have a paper trail a mile long and metrics and rubrics out the wazoo plus 10 nets under them after they fail, etc. Has this gotten us a better educated populace?
Jealous that you could drop “anonymous.” A few posts ago I inadvertently posted comments with my name….ironically the post was about being unable to stay off the radar. ha. ha. ha. Yeah. Had that changed right quick.
Well, of course, I’m out of teaching so I can use my own name. But I am torching those bridges.
Actually, if I ever was insane or desperate enough to want another teaching job,I would love nothing more than the interviewer opening with, “So, I want to read you a couple of your comments from this Teachbad page……”
Better to torch those bridges so you have ZERO temptation to venture back into the fire.
If I left (I almost quit today actually lol), the only way I would return would be in a private school. Though not perfect, there’s far less rubrics, data, etc to deal with. Of course, the pay would be a problem.
Preferably, however, private school or otherwise, teaching would be the last thing I’d want to do ever again if I were out.
Back to almost quitting, if I wasn’t planning on transferring or was unable to, I’d be unemployed as of this second.
May God (Allah, whoever, lol) help me get through these last few weeks…
My favorite school administrator of all time? Morgan Freeman’s Joe Clark from Stand By Me. Toughlove, baby!!!