Racist Gym Teacher Closes Achievement Gap
FAKE EDUCATION NEWS
–Philadelphia, PA
Researchers and journalists from around the country have descended on Philadelphia this evening to document the frontier of education reform. In one east side Philly neighborhood, a teacher has quietly gone about his astounding, path-breaking work for three decades. If preliminary data for this year prove correct, physical education teacher Reggie Jackson of Charles Carroll High School has nearly closed the achievement gap.
The Teachbad Education News (TEN) team is in Philadelphia and we’ve finally caught up with Mr. Jackson, 61, after a district awards banquet. He has generously agreed to an interview:
TEN: First of all, congratulations on your award, Mr. Jackson. You must be proud.
JACKSON: Thank you. I appreciate that. I really do. But it’s the kids who deserve the award.
TEN: Of course they do. So, they say you’ve nearly closed the achievement gap, but people are skeptical. Is it true?
JACKSON: Is what true…that people are skeptical?
TEN: No. Is it true you’ve closed the achievement gap?
JACKSON: Yeah…it’s true. I closed the shit outta the achievement gap. I can see it. I can measure it. For example, the white kids really started comin’ around toward the end of the basketball unit. I have four white sophomores in my second period who can dunk. Can you believe that? I got a white girl in fifth period who can dunk. A white girl!
TEN: I have to admit that’s pretty unusual. What else have you got?
JACKSON: When we were doin’ lacrosse and hockey the black kids really stepped up to the plate, so to speak. The white kids couldn’t believe it. By the end of the lacrosse unit the black kids could cradle up to the crease and let go a wicked bounce as fast as the white kids. The white kids learned how to jump though…so I guess it sorta evened out. They help each other.
I’ll never forget the look on David and Kevin’s faces when they realized that Day’Shawn and Ke’Vonte knew how to skate. That’s the definition of fear right there, man. Sorta like when Shay’QuonTyrese and Tynika saw Wallie and Beaver dunk for the first time. Nobody knew what the hell to think!! Man, that’s why I’m a teacher.
But listen to me…it’s not just about white kids and black kids.
The Mexico kids know how to throw a football now, I mean a real one…not a soccer ball or some shit like that; and the black and white kids are 92 percent proficient in soccer for the first time anywhere in the USA. We played soccer until everybody liked it….except that one white kid in third period, Ronald or Donald or somethin’. But it’s alright. I’ll get that little cracker next year…you heard? We’ll be callin’ him Ronaldo.
(laughs)
TEN: But how did you do it? I mean, those are remarkable gains. What happened?
JACKSON: I love sports, man. All sports. And I love kids. I go out there and play and teach. And my kids, my students, they know I don’t mess around and they come in here to work hard every day. They don’t never give up. Never. These kids are fighters and they know how to work. I give them a goal and they beat it every time.
They want to get better; better than you thought they could be and they’ll work their asses off to do it. If a little white girl wants to dunk, dammit she’ll dunk! I’ll make sure of that!
(laughs)
TEN: Tell me more about your method and pedagogy.
JACKSON: My what and my what?? Dang, white boy…you makin’ this too hard.
Here’s all I do: I take each kid where he is, see, put ‘em in groups of kids that all know the same shit and I challenge ‘em. Right away they want to get better. Right away. They compete in their groups and they compete to get moved up to the next group. It’s really about the kids and their own motivation and desire to do this…I can’t make that up. I don’t care who your momma is or where you come from…this is the most talented, motivated and hard working generation America has ever seen.
And the parents, too. They up in my shit all the time about What skills can we be workin’ on at home? or How can I help Eduardo with his essay about sportsmanship?…The kids and families around here? They got it, man. Eye of the tiger…you know what I mean? I can’t explain it but I thank God for it every day. I just provide a little structure to gather up that energy and hard work.
Bless the children, man…bless the children.
TEN: Your students are truly are blessed, sir. Do you want to share any other successes or best practices?
JACKSON: Do me a favor, man. Don’t ever say best practices to me again. Ok? Under any circumstances. That’s all I ask.
TEN: Of course. You’re right. After being in education for so long it just sort of squirts out of you like diarrhea on a hot day when you’re wearing white pants on a crowded train. You know?
JACKSON: Yeah?…I haven’t found that.
TEN: Right…I mean just for example…somebody I know…Anyhoo, what else has been going on in your classes?
JACKSON: Aw man…I could talk all day. I got lots of examples. Listen to this…it looks like my one-armed Mexico kid might make the crew team. How ’bout that? Don’t that put a smile on your face? It sho’ do mine.
But it’s not perfect.
TEN: No? How do you mean?
JACKSON: Chinese kids.
(pauses and looks around)
TEN: …And…what about Chinese kids?
JACKSON: Chinese kids still wreck everybody in ping pong. Just kill ‘em. It’s hard to watch.
(Jackson’s voice becomes hushed and urgent…he leans closer.)
These Chinese kids, see…they can beat any of my other kids at ping pong with one hand…not even watchin’ the table because in the other hand he’s got a AP calcuhlus book he’s lookin’ at. He’s playin’ ping pong and looking at the book and talkin’ to some other Chinese kid about calcuhlus. And the white kids and the black kids and the Mexico kids is runnin’ all over the room, fallin’ all over themselves, gettin’ ping pong balls in the eye and it’s just a sad goddamn mess.
TEN: The Chinese invented ping-pong and it’s not a popular sport here. It isn’t surprising they would have an advantage.
JACKSON: That ain’t it, man! It’s more than just the Chinese better at ping-pong! Damn!
I didn’t say anything about this earlier ’cause, honestly, it scares the b’jeezus outta me…but I got two Chinese kids who can dunk. TWO! And that ain’t no fluke, man. And there’s only about 8 of ‘em in the building. Maybe 200. I can’t tell ‘em apart.
And don’t tell the Mexico kids I said this, but the Chinese kids will be runnin’ their asses in soccer soon, too. That ain’t scary?
We gotta watch out for the Chinese. You listen to what I say now…
TEN: Does it bother you at all that some people might consider your comments racist?
JACKSON: I don’t know, man. I’m just tellin’ you what happened…like you asked me to. But I guess stereo-types don’t make themselves up, now do they? Anyway, I ain’t racist; I’m black.
(laughs)
TEN: Mr. Jackson, thank you for talking to us today.
JACKSON: It’s alright. Come back any time and see us.
I have been an avid reader of your site for several months now. I thought yours was an insightful voice making cogent arguments against the prevailing “blame the teachers” mantra that is loudly voiced today.
But your post today really disappointed me. While I’ve seen hints in previous post, this post explicitly shows how you perceive African-Americans. Why do you have to consistently depict African-American characters as “ghetto”, unable to speak standard English and exaggerate and mock name (Shay’QuonTyrese, really?)? In this case, the Black character is supposed to be a teacher, so why would a teacher speak like that?
This plus your previous assertions that ‘bad kids from bad homes make bad schools’ makes me wonder if maybe you just got tired of teaching (and internally mocking) the ‘stupid little Black children’. I’m glad you are no longer a teacher. Poor Black children have enough strife in their lives without having to deal with racist teachers who have a false sense of superiority.
Also, I’m Black, learned standard English and have done well, IN SPITE of people like you.
LAR-
You raise serious issues and I will address them seriously.
First, this entire blog is about satire and absurdity. Let’s not lose sight of that. And it will continue to be dedicated primarily to advocating for teachers and entertaining them. The FAKE EDUCATION NEWS section of this blog usually doesn’t even rise to the level of satire. It’s normally just me creating characters who behave badly or are forced to react to absurd situations.
In this FAKE EDUCATION NEWS story, Mr. Jackson is actually based loosely on a real person named Mr. Lee. He was a teaching assistant at the first DC school I taught in. He was 60-ish. An African American and native Washingtonian. He certainly knew standard American English, but he didn’t speak that way by a long shot and I don’t think it bothered anybody. He was not a beacon of cultural sensitivity or political correctness. But it didn’t matter. Kids and adults really responded to him.
I have a class picture of he and I and our second grade class from 2006 on my refrigerator: Robert, Ammonie, Ibukun, Latia, Ana, Ayanna, De’Shawn, Ishmael, Joshua, Loni, Jonnay, Chyna, Najja, Theresa, Asomani, Emmanuel, De’Angelo (who is not Italian and once called me a white-ass bitch), Phaje, and one girl who transferred late in the year and who’s name I can’t remember. Six of them came trick-or-treating to my house last Halloween.
Do I make fun of names occasionally on the blog? Yes. But I’m not sure that qualifies me to be a racist. Mr. Lee thought the names were funny, but I can’t? I also think it’s funny that white people can’t be named Jesus. So what?
The point, though I didn’t really have an overall point when I wrote this, I suppose is that Mr. Lee and Mr. Jackson are both products of their time and place and they are both awesome. Neither is actually racist, but that doesn’t mean they can’t recognize patterns. They are great at their jobs. Their kids and co-workers and bosses will tell you that. These guys have most things that I think you really want a teacher to have. Plus, they are African American men involved in education in their communities. I think everybody agrees that more of this is needed.
Let me respond directly to this from your comment:
This plus your previous assertions that ‘bad kids from bad homes make bad schools’ makes me wonder if maybe you just got tired of teaching (and internally mocking) the ‘stupid little Black children’. I’m glad you are no longer a teacher. Poor Black children have enough strife in their lives without having to deal with racist teachers who have a false sense of superiority.
1) It looks like you are quoting me, but these are not things I have actually said or written;
2) That said, the first one I agree with. Adults can shape things here and there, but the kids in the school are what the school is all about;
3) I certainly did get tired of teaching;
4) I reserve the right to judge the content of an individual’s character by looking at their behavior. Do I ever make mistakes or lack information? Yes. But that’s not the same as being racist;
5) Poor Black children do indeed have enough strife. Years ago I wrote three poems about a fourth grade student of mine named DeAndre. He lived in a horrible homeless shelter called DC Village. Until now, I’m the only person who has ever read these. They are sort of like Haiku, but a little longer (5-7-5-7-7). They are probably not great poems, but they probably weren’t written by a racist, either.
Andre and his mom
And sis lived in a shelter
He was way behind
No place to study in the
Stink and the swelter
This is the best news
Approved for an apartment!
But they have nothing
We get our friends to donate
Furniture and household things
Must be exciting
Out of that shit-box shelter
When do you move in?
It fell through. We can’t move in.
Not up to code. Still, thank you
I hope, LAR, that maybe we have just been talking past each other. I believe that happens a lot. My gut tells me that you are a person of good will. You might just have to trust me, but I am, too…however flawed.
Thanks for your comment and for providing me with a perspective that I hadn’t fully considered or been sensitive to.
Mr. Teachbad
Late breaking news: Unbelievable…as if on cue and stealing my very material, Jon Stewart comes in with the exact same schtick three days later. It’s pretty funny.
I got it, Teachbad. It’s about motivation and allowing a student to start at Point A and helping him/her want to strive for Point B.
“I take each kid where he is, see, put ‘em in groups of kids that all know the same shit and I challenge ‘em. Right away they want to get better. Right away. They compete in their groups and they compete to get moved up to the next group. It’s really about the kids and their own motivation and desire to do this…I can’t make that up. I don’t care who your momma is or where you come from…this is the most talented, motivated and hard working generation America has ever seen. ”
I can’t tell you how heartbreaking it is to be mandated to teach Hamlet (unsimplified text) to a group of kids with mixed reading abilities. I can’t take the time to slow down for those who need it, because our district forces us to keep moving.
Result? the brilliant ones die from boredom. The kids who would like to succeed can’t keep up. The middle kids do ok, but it really isn’t ideal for any of us. Teacher included.
I’ve known a few Mr. Jacksons in my time. The few kids that don’t love him at least respect him because they know he’s going to make them work their butts off. As the kids at my school say, “He don’t play.”
Keep up the good work, Mr. Teachbad. Your posts still make my day.
Unbelievable…as if on cue and stealing my very material, Jon Stewart comes in with the exact same schtick. It’s pretty funny.
And again! This time Saturday Night Live!
here are a few things your post got me thinking of…
its good to see kids as they are. where they’re at. what they act like. not as a race or color. coach just wanted to help them whoever they were.
and especially wherever they were at. he’d put them into ability groups. let them say ok heres what i want to do and where i want to go. and then he’d coach them. help them.
i thought oh yeh this is the dream situation for teachers – coaching instead of teaching. working with kids who WANT to learn the parts of speech, for example. working with a class that IS grouped by ability.
as teachers we nearly always get neither. we get kids who dont want to be there dont want to do what we’re made to make them want to do and we dont get to put them in ability groups (well not very easily at all with 30 kids in the room of many ability levels.)
so your post made me think if we want amazing teachers and amazing results were going to have to do what common sense and a lot of research has told us we need to do – reduce class sizes and lay off the testing and standards and let the teachers work with fewer kids and where they’re coming from and where they’re at.
for example dont try to force 30 kids to do algebra just because thats the standard when they cant even do basic math. they’ll end up not learning basic math or algebra or passing their tests, you’ll have difficulty keeping them under control, have a stressful time and be over-watched more than you can imagine by admins and be considered a bad teacher.
and little of this is because you are a bad teacher and the kids did NOT do well at basic math or algebra or NOT pass their tests because you are a bad teacher but because the class sizes were too darn big and…well what i said.
well anyway that’s one thing i thought as i read your post teachbad. jackson did well because he was given freedom and trust and not messed with and he really cared about his kids and he wasn’t pressured into doing this or that. he took them where they were at. grouped them up and helped them get to where they were at. having them motivated about the curriculum certainly helped.
I thoroughly enjoyed this post although I can see how some people might find it offensive. I think you cleared up your position though with the follow up comment. Clearly recognizing patterns does not make one a racist. Failure to act on patterns does make one a racist if one does nothing to correct obvious discriminatory behavior. That said, I think the real message here is the one that Tom Friedman made in The World is Flat (and I paraphrase here), kids here had better do their homework because the children in China and India are studying and that is their competition. Americans are so busy fighting each other that we forget to look around. Our education gap is with other countries. It’s time we woke up to that fact and started supporting teachers and public schools.
Funny as shit… you fuckin’ racist!
I have had some black students with some really weird names; great kids all of them (well, no, not all of them), but it seemed like their parents were trying to create “African-sounding” names that weren’t actually African in origin. Even black people poke fun at this (I’m thinking Shay-nay-nay). One girl that a friend of mine had in a class was named Vagina (pronounced “Vah-gee-nah”). How do you not make fun of that shit?
Racism implies hatred. But Poking fun at someone for something that is a little ridiculous does not imply hatred, and therefore does not imply racism. Unless you’re overly sensitive and PC about everything. Such people can suck a big, black dick… =)
The world would be a better place if people would lighten up a little bit, and learn to take a joke every once-in-a-while.
And, to show that I make fun of every race equally, I find the names of some of my white, country kids to be just as joke-worthy: John-Ray, Cody-Joe, Jessie-Lynn, Taylor-Lee… I don’t know why hyphenated names are so popular with rednecks; it’s weird.
(Please note: I am not insensitive -or stupid- enough to have ever made fun of a child’s name to their face. I’m only that insensitive when I’m drunk, and I’ve not yet been drunk in front of my students. I’m saving that for the last day before my retirement…)