That’s how it started. And I was tired. It was even more difficult than normal to perform the menial and tedious job-related chores I had brought home for a beautiful Saturday morning.
But my wife and I went to a benefit auction and dinner on Saturday night, as planned. No problem. And after that we went to see our friend’s band, as planned. It was in this unfortunate venue that the real trouble began.
That’s right, folks. Salmonella. I recommend, in the strongest terms, not getting salmonella if you are able. It is a top-shelf, lower-GI affliction with all the worst your body has to offer in sight, smell and sound. But that’s not all! Salmonella also includes fever, nausea, sweating, headache, chills, muscle soreness and difficulty standing!
So, how do you think I got it?
Raise your hand if you said chicken…Yeah. Almost everybody. That’s what I would have said, too. But no. The Infectious Disease (ID) specialist thinks I got it from my son’s lizard. That’s his best guess so far. (More test results are pending.) So when I got home I put on some gloves I stole from the hospital and beat the holy crap out of the lizard. I have pictures and video of the beating, but I’m not going to show them to you. It might inflame the passions of other lizards who are already pissed off that we have been holding him in a glass box for four years without charge and shining a bright light on him.
This brings us to the real subject of today’s post:
Six Places You Can Beat a Lizard and Not Leave a Mark
Just kidding. (Anyway, contrary to what I was assured, there are only four. Isn’t that right, “Darth Veter”? What a stupid name, you moron.)
The real subject is
Why Being a Grunt in a Hospital May Be Better Than Being a Teacher
I don’t mean grunt in a derogatory way. I mean anybody who works with patients and isn’t a doctor or some top sort of nurse. You know what I mean? In mulling this over, I think it boils down to two things: 1) Importance: centrality of the task to the organizational mission; 2) Objectivity: The ease with which performance of the task can be measured.
If it’s you who keeps bringing patients to the wrong room, forgetting to deliver medications, delivering the wrong meals, producing fuzzy x-rays, or sticking needles clear through the other side of the vein; that will get picked up pretty quickly precisely because it is both of these things: Important and Objective. I’m guessing you would also be recognized for consistently doing these things correctly and efficiently. You can stand out, and you know exactly how to do it.
Compare that to teaching. Here’s a challenge for you. Think of anything we do as teachers that scores high on both of these criteria.
Clear, measurable, standards-based, engaging lesson objectives?
Turning in lesson plans on time?
Developing individual relationships with students?
Entering attendance data by 3:45?
And another thing…here’s what makes the place where I work especially disengaging and uncomfortable for teachers and causes them to flee if they are able. Most of the administrators in the building suffer from Diminished Interpersonal Capacity Syndrome or DICS. For example, I have been out all week and spent a day and a half in the hospital. I have emailed my VP/department chair twice, notifying him of my illness and HOSPITALIZATION. Nothing. Not a “get well soon”, or “some of us are hoping you don’t die” or “OK”. Nothing. And it’s Teacher Appreciation Week for Christ’s sake. He’s been my boss for three long-ass years. He hired me. It was another one of those moments when my wife’s jaw dropped as she again came to understand how much less cool my bosses are than hers.
DICS is a terrible condition for those who live and work with sufferers. Presently, there is no cure for DICS and the medical field has been slow to recognize it. Advocates note that people have probably always had DICS, but we are just now able to diagnose it.
I have been working with an advisory panel that will soon form a small group to lobby Congress for research funds to study DICS. At present, the DICS Foundation Advisory Panel is actively soliciting ideas for an organizational slogan; something to put on coffee cups and lighters and things like that. I have told them I would forward to the panel any suggestions sent in by Teachbad readers. Below are the ideas they have so far.
It’s Time to Talk About DICS
Down With DICS
Take a Bite Out of DICS
Let’s Get a Grip on DICS
Thanks for your help,
DICS Foundation Advisory Panel Co-Chair