Dear May: I Know Your Tricks

It’s finally the end of April.

Happy Friday and good riddance to another month. Now comes May. Pretty cool, right? Almost done.

But listen, Month of May…get outta my face. You suck.

You think you are so great:

Hey, Teachers…look at me. I’m MAY!! I’m not like Dickhead March who’s cold, but can never seem to muster up a snow day. And I’m way better than Moody April who will be sunny during the week and then piss cold rain on you all weekend. No, that’s not me. I’m different. I’m what you want. And when you see me, you know the school year is almost done. Plus, I give you Memorial Day. Then you get that giant, sweet vacation in the summer. Yeah…you can smell it, can’t you? You’re almost at the finish line. I’m awesome!

May, let me tell you; you are the worst tease in the whole world. I hate you and you suck.

You are warm. And you know we all get swept away with your longer days, grass, flowers, shorts, sandals, drinks on the patio, and the overall pleasantness you have to offer with your bug-free warmth and low humidity. And, to be fair, we all thank you for that.

But all the same, May, you can bloody well piss off. (Congratulations, William and Commoner!!)

Memorial Day? Are you seriously bragging about that? You didn’t have anything to do with creating Memorial Day. Are you a veteran? What war did you die in? Plus, that’s way at the end of the month. I don’t even know the exact date…that’s how far away it is from now. And do you know what comes before Memorial Day? A whole goddamn month of school, that’s what. Memorial Day?

Please…

Oh, and what else did you say about vacation? It’s coming up soon or something like that? Right? Well, Month of May, after your beloved Memorial Day, most teachers will enter The Chaos of Nothingness and Bullshit. They will be trapped there for about three weeks; long after your stupid-ass Memorial Day is gone and doing shots off Labor Day’s butt crack on a beach somewhere in Belize or Key West.

We have a long way to go, May. And you are trying to trick us, yet again. So, May, go fuck yourself. And tell your friend Labor Day, who used to be at the end of the summer but is now in the middle of the first quarter, to do the same.

Mr. Teachbad

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14 Responses to Dear May: I Know Your Tricks

  1. Lisa says:

    Well said!

  2. EBearman says:

    Aww…I hope I go to Key West this summer. :) But yes, May can suck it. Thanks for the month of testing.

    • Sean says:

      It will be a month of testing……AP Tests next week, then, after that, the state is wanting End of Course Field Tests on English I and II, IPC, Chemistry, Physics, W. Geography, W. History, Algebra, Geometry……Then final exams start…..

  3. teachers will enter The Chaos of Nothingness and Bullshit.

    I’m not sure who you mean is creating all the Chaos& Bullshit (us? them?) but in our district, school officially ends on June 21 this year.

    Grades have to be in on or around June 10. This means 11 glorious days for us to Bullshit and them to create Chaos. I’ll need the full 9 weeks of summer vacation to recover.

    • HappyChyck says:

      Eleven days of bullshit and chaos? Who invented that system? I want to shoot myself just thinking about that kind of pain and misery. Best wishes.

  4. Sean says:

    We hit 29 days to graduation…..29 days to retirement…..I hope I can make it…..We just completed the God-damn week long TAKS Exams in Texas. The kids were shot, literally worn to a nub. I had one of my kids do a face first slam of his face into has desk, as soon as he walked into my room and sat down…..He didn’t move afterwards. He literally was shot to hell.
    I came home from school today, and broke down crying…..I have not cried like this since my father passed away. I don’t know if it is relief, sadness, happiness, depression, elation, or just what…..I think part of it is I have spent 30 years in the classroom and things are the worst I have ever seen, and I have seen some pretty bad shit….. Supt. arrested for kick-backs, all administrators from asst. principal to dept. supt. resign the same summer, Have 73% of the faculty leave a school of 1100 kids. H ad a student die from AIDS. Was hit so hard by a kid I was hospitalized from 2 days. ( I was written up for a reason I still do not understand in the incident.) Saw a kid stabbed and lose a kidney in the process. Was sued for failing a kid( I won). Had 2 students die on a mission trip to Central America during Winter Break and the bodies were held in Belize for 6 weeks at the US Embassy. Had a student commit suicide after she was impregnated by her dad. BTW: All of these incidents happened in nice “white” school districts.
    It’s time to go…..

  5. Mr. J says:

    I was going to bitch, but then I read Sean’s comment… Damn… Well, I’ll bitch anyway: State testing ended the week before Spring Break; as soon as it was over with the kids started with “testing is over, we should be out of school.” Explaining to them that they still have to pass their classes does no good, as they know they’ll be “administratively placed” into the next grade regardless. So their behavior sucks even more than it did before state testing, and their enthusiasm for learning (what little the average 13-year-old has) is completely gone. The Chaos of Nothingness and Bullshit started in April, and will deepen with May. June is completely fucked. My only salvation: All of my formal observations for the year are over with, so I don’t have to worry about putting on a dog-and-pony show again, or offering my brats pizza or donuts in exchange for half-decent behavior in front of an observer.

    • Mr. J says:

      Sorry about the over-italicizing. I messed-up the HTML.

      • Sean says:

        Sorry man, didn’t mean to dump….and didn’t mean to write it so poorly…..I wrote part of it with a tear in my eye…..and to make matters worse, I got word this morning that a ’10 grad , was killed by a drunk driver last evening.

  6. Miss Crabtree says:

    Well, I thought that the italicizing was very effective.

  7. mandm040 says:

    BELIZE? I could only wish in my dreams. My admin has been there!

    Memorial day wekend for me = Senior Trip. Wish me luck.

    I and my teacher colleagues are SO undervalued. Some of us got chastised (even written up) last year about the days we took off (even though within contract language), while NEVER given a thank you for giving up this holiday weekend for the Senior class and the school (and so many other days as well).

    I just feel like saying F U….

  8. HappyChyck says:

    We just finished our spring break, and I greeted one of my colleagues in the parking lot, “How was your break? Welcome to Hell. May is pointless to the students, and we are delusional in thinking we might accomplish something. This is going to suck.” I wish I could be more optimistic.

    As far as I’m concerned May is pretty well the end of the year, but we, too, have school a few weeks into June. Like it matters…

  9. miss m. says:

    We, too are in the season of testing, and a mad-man creates our schedule, so the students have a two hour testing block and then rotate through their abbreviated block schedule, returning to the class they just tested in for one more hour. What sort of energy for learning could any of them have, and what do I teach for an hour after the state assessment? So, the math teacher and I have instituted post-assessment old school kick ball, math vs. reading. We go to the field farthest away from the school where we can see silos and mountains. The 8th graders kick, run the bases, and then get pummeled with the classic reddish ball. Or, sliding into base, a kid gets tackled by a friend. Several times, a sneaker flew into the air after the kick, but the intrepid runners continued down the base line, one sock, one shoe. These are the classic days, the old school days, in which kids can sit on the grass and watch friends play and cheer and somebody still thinks it’s hilarious to throw an earthworm at a girl. We can’t hear the announcements, or hall drama, or bells. Just the sound of laughter and jeers and the poingoingoing of the ball as a steal-toed boot makes contact. Of course, we two teachers play, too, and in one game, we were the only ones who scored for the first two innings. Are the students holding back on beaming us with the red ball? Or are we just that good? All I know is a good game of kickball really wipes away the bad memories of the morning assessments and reminds me why I went into teaching in the first place. Plus, we actually get to be OUTSIDE in the month of May! The math teacher and I are both waiting to be called to the office and told we’re not allowed to go outside and play kickball anymore, but so far, we’ve played five days in a row.

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