Teachers Still In Favor Of Spring Break

FAKE EDUCATION NEWS

-Everywhere, USA

Spring Break balances that most delicate of…balances.

Here, in America, most of us believe in the separation of church and state. Is Spring Break really about a “break”? Or is it some Overlord Christian Imperialist Double-Cheeseburger trying to convince you to eat those awful little marshmallow chickens and buy more fake plastic grass because Jesus has risen; probably all as backdrop to the United Egg Producers plan to rule the world? Or is it some sort of Zionist Plot to stop you from working so that you’ll be more likely to sit on your ass and watch Jewish-controlled media while not going to Chipotle at lunch for carnitas burritos?

It’s hard to tell. But these are the questions that Teachbad Education News (TEN) is utterly unqualified to answer.

(Egg facts: 1. It is estimated that the 2010 US per capita consumption of eggs was 246. That’s a lot of eggs. For everybody; 2. Indiana is the 4th largest egg-producing state in the US.

Chipotle facts: 1. Chipotle was founded by a guy named Steve; 2. Chipotle fires a bunch of immigrants.)

But we digress…

In not answering, or caring, about the important questions, TEN has uncovered a story so transparently transparent, obvious, and self-evident that only a semi-retarded journalist from a fake news organization would dare touch it.

It’s that hot.

It turns out that teachers around the country strongly support Spring Break. But don’t take our word for it…

TEN has tracked down some of the subjects of past Fake Education News stories to see how they are spending Spring Break. Here’s what they had to say:

Mr. Dickstench: We already had spring break in March. It was great but now everything sucks. Why are you talking to me about spring break? Just rubbing it in? I put together my daughter’s new bed. That was two days and three bloody knuckles. But it was better than teaching, I guess.

Jason Cooley: (Mr. Coolley is on probation for making terrorist threats.) Well, I can’t really go anywhere because of the charges…but I would like to point out that there was never any real bomb. Anyway, I’m pretty much going to sit around. Do some reading. I might try to fix the stairs outside. I’ve been toying with the idea of a garden. But mostly it’s just nice to sit down and not have to get up. That’s what I’m focused on.

Derrick Bradley: I’m still pretty much broke. Teaching summer school last year did not seem to make a noticable dent in my personal financial fuck-fest. I’m going to stay here. There is no way I can afford to go to home to Rhode Island. And I don’t really want to. If I can keep the weed connect up…good.

Abbie Newsom: Abbie is a bit of a bitch, and a little scary. But she has some spring break tips that everyone can use. Enjoy! Listen. Mexican circus performers about 75 miles southwest of Tijuana. A case of Herradura and an ounce of weed. Happy Spring Break!!!

Alan Holcomb: The papers never got graded. He made up the grades. Anyway, Holcomb is kickin’ it live in MIAMI!!! He’s been having fun with friends and enjoying some quiet time. Here’s a little rap he wrote about his Spring Break:

Umbrella in my drink
I look like a dick
Now I better think
Somethin’ up quick

I’m a gangsta, I’m drunk, and also I’m a poet
Shoot your ass dead before you even know it
Burn your garden down before you start to grow it
Mutha Fucka’s got money?, then you best show it

Ladies in line and they wavin’ they cash
They lookin’ for a ride on my…

…OK…Alan…Thank you. This is a family blog.

Anyway, all of us here at Teachbad Education News hope you have a great Spring Break. (Or, if you had it already, we hope it was fantastic.)

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9 Responses to Teachers Still In Favor Of Spring Break

  1. Sean says:

    We are one of the schools that already had Spring Break, however, we get tomorrow off for a “holiday.” I really do not think I could have made another day this week. I looked at my seniors who are literally in the death throes of seniorities, and I did everything I could to keep from telling them how much I “hated them.” At this point, I am sure the feeling is mutual….Last week, I had a senior, passing all classes, has a 3.7 GPA on a 4.0 scale, who was ready to drop out. He had enough. I talked him out of quitting, by telling him “I would quit too, if he quit.” I was serious… At this point, if I were to retire, rather than finish the semester, the difference in my monthly retirement check would be $ 5.67.
    Call it the abnormal heat here in Texas. ( It was 91F here today and yesterday.) Call it the fact the alarm woke me everyday this week for the first time in 30 years. ( I normally wake up 5 minutes before my alarm and turn it off in order for my wife to be able to sleep another 45 minutes before she has to get up.) Call it the fact I have worked for 30 years to be scapegoated by the public, the politicians, the media. Call it the fact I am teaching goddamn, fuckin’, son of a bitch, economics this semester to a bunch of 18 year olds who could care less about oligopolies and pure competition at this point in their life. ( I feel just like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller.)
    Man, I don’t think I am going to make it……I can’t fuckin’ doing this anymore.

    • crazedmummy says:

      No, Sean! not the Ultimate Spring Break!

      Do not go gentle into that Spring Break
      Old age should burn and rage at close of school
      Rage, rage against the dying of the tiny spark of light.

      Though wise men at their end find left is right,
      Administrators words were forked, no lightning, they-
      Do not go gentle into that spring break.

      Sorry, I’m a math teacher this is as good as I can do for plagarism. Can I just copy the answers from the back of the book?

    • drives me crazy says:

      This story is exactly like mine except swap the wife for a husband and minus about 20 years of teaching. Hey how about the sutdents who did not pass the required parts of their standardized graduation exams (they will NOT graduate) and just show up to school because thier folks do not want to put up with them either? They sit there not doing a damn thing just taking up good space and air.

  2. Spring break?? wha….?

    Not long enough. Here it is Friday already and I still have tons of things I want to do. Hey, I haven’t even broken the “wake up at 5:00 so I can be awake enough to cope” cycle.

    On the plus side, with Spring Break so late it will be a fast and merciful slide to the end of the year. Extra bonus: our district is over $600 million in the hole for next year’s budget so there’s a good chance I’ll get laid off.

    Fannnnntastic. Unemployment checks to tide me over to find other work (or none) or perhaps sub in the district knowing, “lalala I don’t have to grade . . plan . . put up with the psycho kid every day.”

  3. Whatchu been doing with your Spring Break, Mr. Teachbad?

  4. Miss Crabtree says:

    First day of ten glorious days of Spring Break. We all barely made it here, but kids were surprisingly decent for the last two days. Wish I was headed somewhere, but too broke to travel and too bummed to care.

  5. Teacher of the F-ing Year says:

    We already had spring break but that’s okay. For the most part we have determined who is going to be coming back for yet another try at passing 8th grade and many of the kids who were complete a-holes for most of the year have mellowed out some. They have decided to treat us like human beings and, for a few, I daresay they have realized that being dicks to some of the few grown ups who even attempt to be nice to their pathetic adolescent selves was probably not the best game plan.
    Now is when I begin to dream that the next batch of kids will be more functional, read closer to grade level, bring some paper to class, and understand the connection between turning in work and getting a grade for it.
    I know, I know. But one can dream, can’t one?

  6. Not Just Any Data Point says:

    I needed it bad. I awoke this morning with the feeling of depression knowing that Monday it is nothing but a memory.

    Monday starts the sprint phase of the marathon where we all hope we make it to the finish line before we collapse into a two-week recovery from exhaustion.

    Good luck comrades!

  7. Sean says:

    The battle to the end starts tomorrow……I have 33 days to go…….33 days…..I may as well be teaching my first year back in 1981 in inner city Ft Worth…..Sorry Crazedmummy, this is my last rodeo, as we say here in Texas. I am done. I see the next 3 classes of students coming through, the changed to the stupid CSCOPE curriculum, the change from TAKS to STAAR Tests and End of Course exams, and I will no longer be teaching, rather an actor following a script down to the minute.

    If it were the just the kids, I would probably stay. I really have have loved them for the last 30 years. Sure, there are plenty of knuckleheads, but there are some kids you can still see who will make something of their lives. It’s all the other bullshit that has kicked my ass.

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