Teachbad Sings: I Hate Children

Hello, Everybody!

Here’s something new. It’s a song I wrote about my first day as a teacher. I started as a frightened sub in a sixth grade class; hoping to do it for just one day, or maybe the week. I got my ass chewed up pretty bad. That was in 2003. And now here we are. Anyway, the song is called “I Hate Children”. It’s the only song I’ve ever written and I have learned just enough guitar to play it not so well. Plus, I don’t really sing. So this should be good.

In the video I am wearing a disguise because my identity must remain shrouded in total secrecy. A friend of mine at the FBI field office here hooked me up with some pretty cool undercover equipment. It is specifically calibrated to my biometric profile so that I can blend in almost anywhere and draw no attention to myself. Super cool.

I shouldn’t say anything about the construction of the disguise itself. But the one thing I will reveal is that the hat I am wearing isn’t even a real hat. That’s right. It’s a completely fake hat. That’s how good these guys are.

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5 Responses to Teachbad Sings: I Hate Children

  1. The Caped Educator says:

    Nice disguise.

    Best line ever: “You gotta stay with ‘em and you can’t even hit them and I wanna go back to bed.”

  2. robbie says:

    Excellent.

    Worst line ever: “More than cooked stew in an igloo.”

    • mrteachbad says:

      Maybe I should print the lyrics. It’s “Poo stew in an igloo.” Originally is was “Shit stew in an igloo.” But in deference to children in the house hearing the song I changed it. It was also a very important artistic decision of alliteration vs. rhyme.

  3. The Numerator says:

    Interestingly, this is exactly how I imagined you looking.

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