FAKE EDUCATION NEWS

Juneau, AK-

Christine Worthington, tenth grade biology teacher at Yaaḵoosgé Daakahídi Alternative High School in Juneau, Alaska, is getting nervous about toner. And sources say she should. With state-wide budget cuts and her general proclivity to be disorganized, Worthington may be in a bit of a pickle.

Worthington confesses to routinely printing readings, worksheets and other handouts for the whole class from her classroom laser printer. “I know it’s not sustainable and that I have a problem”, admits Worthington, 37. “I should really get this stuff to the copy room the night before. But at 3:30 I just want to run out of here as fast as I can….I’m working on it.”

“I really have to clamp down on the kids, too,” added Worthington. “The English teachers always figure it out first because they have a lot of writing…’Don’t EVER let kids print out papers in your classroom’…period. I’m a bit of a softie and ran my ass right out of toner in a hurry last year with the English papers…’Ms. Worthington, Mr. Jasgonijed won’t let me print my paper for him and it’s due TODAY!’…So I let them print. Then I run out of toner and that bitch in the office won’t give me more….I can see it right behind her.

“God…now I have this line about two inches from the left where it’s really light when I print…pain in my ass…so I take out the cartridge and shake it…good to go for two days.

“I g-chatted a teacher friend of mine in Montana and complained. She said, ‘You have a printer in your classroom?!?!?!…Go fuck yourself.’ I guess the grass is always greener…”

Teachbad Addenda:

1) Mr. Teachbad now has a Facebook page. He’s not entirely sure why. But let’s see what happens. If you friend me, I promise to never ask you to get kidnapped, play that farm game, answer 21 mafia questions, or any of that other shit. I don’t even know how to friend people myself…so I can’t tell you how to do it. But you probably know. My name on facebook (by accident) is Teachbad Snooky and my email address is mr.teachbad@gmail.com. Let’s be friends.

2) Here is a song that’s been back in my head since I heard it in a bar last week. (Who says the English have bad teeth?);

3) Related to #2…my daughter thinks that Johnny Rotten and Terry Gross should get married. I doubt very much that would work out. I don’t know…let her have her dreams.

“May the road rise with you”,

Mr. Teachbad