Does Teaching Make Me a Worse Parent?
…Or Vice Versa?
I really don’t know.
I used to think that being a teacher and having been through teacher training stuff and a masters program would make me a better parent as far as being aware of developmental guideposts and helping with homework and things like that. Oh…and of course asking higher order thinking questions and having more rigorous conversations at dinner. And all that is true and I can think of many examples when it has come in handy.
But there is a dark side to this. For instance, I am up here writing on the blog at this moment because my wife sent me away. That’s right. She just sent me away. She was wise enough to do this and I thank her.
Why did I need to be sent away? Because my kids are acting like assholes and I started to lose it. “You now what, if you can’t find your fairy toothpaste then use THIS toothpaste that’s right here. Keep track of your crap, stop crying, and brush your teeth. And why would you take the toothpaste out of the bathroom anyway?.…Oh…Really? Guess what…your dolly doesn’t even have any goddamn teeth.” Having kids is like having retarded roommates.
Being a teacher is like having retarded employees. “How the fuck would I know where your practice test is or where Devonte put your notebook? Keep track of your own shit and stay awake. You’ll get a C minus…Damn.”
People don’t believe me, but there are a lot of similarities between second graders and twelfth graders. It’s actually stunning. But the bottom line is that I spend an unnerving number of my waking hours repeating myself and answering stupid questions.
I feel bad. I think my own kids sometimes suffer because I spend all day dealing with other kids’ dumb shit.
Mr. Teachbad
I have had this exact same question in my mind for about 5 years now.
I used to joke with a friend that I thought he was, in fact, the real “Mr. Teachbad.”
This one makes me think that maybe I am.
A lot of these posts make me laugh and complain, but also wince and look in the mirror.
This one hits too close to home.
I am certain that I raise my voice at my own children more than the ones in my classroom, and I am certain that when I do so it has more to do with the job than my kids, who are really, really cool.
Oh, and I am going to steal this one: “Having kids is like having retarded roommates.
Being a teacher is like having retarded employees.”
I’ll probably give you credit, though.
Let me clarify one thing: I have “children” at home, teenagers in the classroom. And the former are often much, much more considerate and well-behaved than the latter.
I won’t get into intelligence, because then I’d just come off as a jerk.
Mr. Teachbad -
I think the most valuable advice I’ve ever had about teaching was from my colleague who took it upon herself in the long ago (36 years, but who’s counting?) to mentor me: “Remember, this is your job, not your LIFE.” Just because it has become an American trend to allow your job to bleed into your personal time doesn’t make it a good idea. When it gets to the point that you’re reacting to your own kids as if they were your students, you need a mental health day.
Sounds like your wife is not a teacher, so she may not understand what gives. Teaching is extraordinarily stressful and hard to describe to someone who doesn’t do it every day. My husband is a teacher, too, and when our kids were small (we have three, including twins) we’d tag team, depending on who was having a worse time — but as insiders there was a kind of shorthand we could use. Looks like your blog is a good place to blow off steam and I hope you have a couple of real life colleagues you can vent to.
Another thing that helps is that the longer you teach, the more of a repertoire you develop, not only for planning classes, but also for dealing with so many personalities, craziness and unexpected events. After a while, you’ve seen it all before. Right now, try to find someone else who has.
Teachers’ kids don’t have it easy. We have nightmares of what could happen because we know. Now that my kids are older they’ve come to realize that they weren’t raised in the same way as other kids, but mostly they’re okay with that.
Just don’t lose your sense of the absurd!
You are right, teacher’s kids are not raised like other kids and laymen don’t understand that concept.
My mom always told me that if you can’t control a 2yo, then you can’t control your teenager. I thought she was judgmental and critical until my 2yo morphed into a 15yo, then I understood completely…
I teach first grade. For ten years I taught fourth and fifth. My husband, a college professor, and I would often complain about the same things. It’s less true now that I’m in first grade.
The things that irritate us about adults are the same things that annoy us about kids, most of the time.
My kid ( We only have one, and he is now 22 yrs old and due to graduate in December from a local university.) knew if he screwed up at school, he would be a “dead man.” I have found that for the most part, teacher’s kids are better kids, citizens than the regular kid in the class. Sure there are exceptions, but generally I would rather have teacher’s kids than any other kid. Maybe it is because teachers make sure their kids have completed their homework, come to school, and 10 years from now they are productive members of society.
“But the bottom line is that I spend an unnerving number of my waking hours repeating myself and answering stupid questions“
This is, for me, the truly soul-sucking part of the job. I am fortunate enough to not work in a school the requires endless meetings, or regular drop in observations, or word walls, or standards charts, or some of the other torture devices described in this blog — though I have a sneaking suspicion we are headed that way — and I am generally happy with my working environment. However, I find there are days where I swear if I have to repeat myself one. more. time.
It is difficult to make people who work with adults understand how extremely demoralizing it is to repeat yourself over and over and over. At least six times a day I have students raise their hand and ask a question that I literally just finished answering. And don’t get me started on the complete inability to follow a set of written instructions. I teach biology and spend an inordinate amount of time designing lab handouts that are succinct, thorough, and visually appealing, then go over them in class with the entire class, only to have students stare blankly at them, look up at me, blinking and say “so, what are we doing?” I patiently direct their attention to “step one” and suggest they start there. “So, we should get 100mL of water?” Yes! Yes! very good. Then the kid next to them raises their hand and asks “So, how much water?” One. More. Time.
Awesome. You may have just helped me start writing the script for the next video.
Mr. TeacherBad, if you make that video, you will be my hero forever. I teach college, but I am in love with your site. There are more things that are alike than are different, and that depresses me.
I am a high school science teacher as well, and I can totally relate. Lab days are probably the most frustrating because nomatter how simple I make the lab handout or how slowly I go over the instructions with them, the second I tell them to get started it’s like everything was written/spoken in another language. So here I am trying to do a lab in a 50 minute class period with 30 students who each seem to need individual, personalied assistance every step of the way. Fun!
Another science teacher chiming in here. Lab days? Also known as Days My Head Feels Like Exploding.
“What do we do next, miss?“
“How about read the instructions?”
hilarious! so true, I teach chemistry and if I hear one more time…” I wanna blow something up!” “How much do we add to the beaker???” ” Will this acid really burn me?” ” Can I taste this?” and the always classic…“What are we doing?”
lets add this:
Student: “I don’t know how to do it“
Teacher: “What part don’t you understand“
Student: “The whole thing“
Teacher: “Did you read the instructions“
Student: “Can’t you just tell me?“
Teacher: “I wrote the instructions so I wouldn’t have to tell 150 people the same thing“
Student: “I don’t get it”
*bitter weeping*
I said the exact same thing to my husband last night. I’m totally out of patience with shenanigans and stupidity by the time I get home. Helping with homework almost pushes me over the edge.
For the two years I was teaching, my son (who was nine when I started), kept asking for his “happy mommy” back. By the time I got home, I couldn’t stand any kids, even my own. So yes, I totally agree with you. And thank you again for reminding me why I quit teaching. (And btw, he has his happy mommy back now.)
I agree. I am often tired and cranky after responding all day to tattling etc. My daughter and husband often don’t see the best of me. I guess they can be grateful for my health benefits and possible pension.