Oh, Crap
That was fast, wasn’t it? (If you start after Labor Day, piss off.)
I’ve been in a literal and figurative fetal position most of the day. I’ve been receiving condolences from former colleagues. Tomorrow we begin. One week of 75-85% bullshit coming right up, sir. Then the kids come.
I don’t know what you do at your school, but we have one full week with all the teachers there for a combination of touchy-feely, get to know each other, team-building bullshit and indoctrination. The other 15-25% is actually time to work and get ready for school.
There will be A LOT of new people. As far as I know, my department will have three of the nine who finished last year. (At two years and one day of service, I will be the longest-serving member of my department.) Our department is particularly troubled, but the rest will be in the 40-50% turnover range. That’s why, I guess, they feel like we have to do all the bullshit team-building, etc…because there is a brand new fucking team every year.
So here’s what we do…
We start each day with a Quaker reading. We stand in a circle, about 100 people, and somebody reads a touchy-feely quote about teachers or children or puppies or some crap. Then everybody stands around like an asshole for a little while until somebody finally says something about the quote. (“This reminds me that we, as teachers, have an obligation to…whatever”.) Then somebody else says something and so on. Eventually the pauses between these reflections become awkward and the facilitator says something like “we will now close the Quaker reading.” The new people won’t know what to think. But they will probably think it’s kind of cool. They will participate. We do this every morning.
I thought it was kind of cool at first. But then you realize, in about a week, that the touchy-feely shit lasts for exactly one week. It’s a trick. After that, it’s technocracy run wild.
But for that week…
We will do silly role-playing exercises.
We will think; share with our partners; share with the group.
We will follow strict protocols for discussion. (Actually, this goes on all year.)
We will do gallery walks. (These are the worst.)
We will share about our heroes and mentors.
We will dissect, in three different administrative groupings, three different mission statements.
We will be forced to read them aloud.
We will be compelled to comment on what they mean to us.
We will develop “norms” to aid us in communicating with one another in meetings and working together in general. This will appear to be a freewheeling democratic exercise. Here is what the norms will be (not necessarily in this order):
1) Speak the truth; (this is sometimes “speak the truth in love“, but that’s often too much for some people in the group;
2) Watch your air time (don’t talk too much);
3) There will be something about keeping the best interests of children in mind;
4) There will be something about being respectful;
5) There will be something about collaboration;
6) There will be something about being positive;
7) There will be something about being prepared or working hard;
8) There will be something about mutual accountability;
9) Don’t be an asshole.
It’ll be something like that and everybody will have to do this three times with some administrator writing it on a flip chart and then telling us that they’ll type it up and email it to us. (Some of the new folks will write them down anyway.) You’re going to email me some shit my kindergarten teacher said? My eight-year-old could have run this meeting.
Man, I hate to start off feeling this negative. But every time I think about how stupid this is going to be, I think about a friend who is going to help me through it and then suddenly remember that they won’t be there. Not that I won’t have friends. But most of the people I was tightest with are long gone and glad.
Love you guys…I’ll let you know how it’s going later in the week. Meanwhile, pray for me.
Mr. Teachbad
UPDATE:
Monday evening.
8:40 pm.
Mr. Teachbad is almost embarrassed to say how dead on he was after only the first day.
Every year. Which is why those 30-year veterans are always so crabby. My personal fave was when administration decided we should have a tug-of-war with teachers vs. admin. And I was the spoilsport who pointed out that this was not so much a teambuilding exercise as acting out the daily dynamic for the year.
Oh how could this disgruntlement occur?
NORMS ARE CRAP! You are so right….they are always the same!
Man, I thought our inservice week was bad but yours sounds brutal! I, too, detest the touchy-feely-get-to-know-you stuff.
We had to pick an item out of a bag and tell everyone how it described us. I picked an eraser and rambled on about how I like to erase things. I made absolutely no sense, felt like an idiot and then sat down. This lovely exercise went on for almost 45 minutes.
Krysha…I’m so sorry. All I can say is thank you for taking one for the team. MTB
Ha–that made me laugh, but I know it must have been embarassing–especially if you are a new teacher.
Always set reasonable goals. Don’t forget to raise test scores while teaching critical thinking. Oh…and don’t forget to bury your educational philosophy somewhere administration won’t find it. I put mine next to a huge, steamy pile of common sense because I know they’ll never look there. Never forget it is our fault if children don’t learn, so it’s best to internalize our failures and begin working on the acronym for the next bullshit du jour program. From what I gathered this year at our pep talk, we all suck, but we’re doing a great job and we need to change everything we do but keep on doing what we’re doing unless it isn’t working and we aren’t the ones to judge whether or not it’s working but we’re highly respected professionals and we can’t use the copier anymore. Beer me.
Oh yes. The same starts for me on Monday… but we have two weeks of it instead of one.
You have got to be kidding!!
And schools like yours wonder why their test scores tank. It doesn’t take a genius to see that an endless parade of new teachers without curriculum or any sort of viable school wide discipline plan to support their efforts will NOT raise test scores. How many ‘new leaders’ will it take to figure that out? At least 10 and counting….
Do we know each other?
Blech! Don’t think I could stand a day of what you guys are going through. I knew teachers had to put up with a lot of crap, but this? I honestly feel for you.
Hang in there and stay cool, teach. 8)
I know that certain schools and districts like to persuade teachers that it is the same wherever they go, but it’s simply not true. You’d be surprised how quickly the b.s. melts away when your administrators know that they are talking about. When I tell people in my new district where I am coming from, they always say some version of the same thing: “Congratulations, you got out.” My new school’s demographics are almost identical to those of the school that I left, so they don’t mean I escaped the students; they mean I escaped the leadership. Several times throughout orientation I have had to stop and catch my breath because I am simply not used to my supervisors being so nice to me, giving me so much personal attention, making me feel so valued. There were only six new teachers in my school this year, compared with about fifty at my old school the year before, and instead of telling us what a privilege it is to be working there, the message has consistently been, “Thank you for choosing us.”
All of this got me thinking a revolutionary thought: shouldn’t all teachers be treated this way? It doesn’t cost anything, and students get to spend their day with teachers who are genuinely happy instead of forcing smiles or barely holding it together. It makes me want to break out into “Whistle While You Work.” I hope in the near future that administrators are held to higher standards for building community all year long. I suspect a great many who now fancy themselves untouchable would find themselves unemployed.
God bless…
Is your school looking for a physics teacher?
At least you didn’t have to break into groups and make up cheers or skits…
At my school, where there are over 90 faculty members, a microphone was passed around the room and we each had to say our name and 3 things others wouldn’t know about us. Then, we all had to join hands in a big circle and play a weird version of musical chairs. Give me a fucking break. I was awake until 1 a.m. Last night googling new careers, and I’m not even through my first full year of teaching.