FAKE EDUCATION NEWS
“A way to make some extra money” or “Hell on Earth”. Whatever you call it, it’s school in the summer and it just doesn’t feel right. After two weeks of teaching summer school, or credit recovery, at Cactus High School in Glendale, AZ, Derrick Bradley is feeling the heat. “If I wasn’t so damn broke there is no way you could have gotten me here. And I don’t mean just broke. I am on the brink of financial ruin with a capital fucking R.” Bradley, 24, is in his second year of teaching and originally hails from Rhode Island. Last year Bradley went home to Rhode Island for the summer to “chill.”
This year Bradley bought a car and signed a lease for an apartment that he knew were “a bit out of range” for him financially. “I knew I would have to teach summer school, but I didn’t know how much I would be sick of children by the end of the year or that summer school could possibly suck this bad.” Bradley went on to explain that “this is a place where nobody wants to be. You’ve got poor-ass teachers who need a break and all the dumb kids who were a pain in the ass all year long. Now guess what they’re like. And can you believe they named this place ‘Cactus’? Is that just to remind me how fucking hot it is? The next person who says ‘dry heat’ to me gets punched.”
Teachers around the greater Glendale metro area have expressed similar sentiments about summer school. Some of the other teacher comments collected by our reporters this week include:
“Worse than expected.”
“Biggest waste if time for everyone involved.”
“Would rather have sex for money; at least that has the potential to be enjoyable.”
“Sucks dog balls.”
“Fuck it. Kick me out of my apartment. I quit.”
“Not so bad if you’re drunk.”
“How did this happen to me?”
“Not so bad if you’re high.”
“Would rather chew my own leg out of a bear trap.”
A number of teachers simply put their heads in their hands and wept softly.
Happy Birthday, America! What would YOU rather do than teach summer school?