Losing Altitude Fast

Mr. Teachbad is tired and rattled and needs this year to end. Anybody else? I went to bed at 7:30 last night. My wife came home, I handed off the kids and fell asleep. Today I felt only slightly less like eating glass all day.

I really need to get my third or fourth wind heading into the home stretch. But it’s tough. There’s nobody who wants to be here. Nobody. Everything is starting to fall apart. All the teachers and administrators who were the types to tell the kids to tuck in their shirts all day long would spend so much time on this in the beginning of the year. “We really want to build a school culture of shirt-tucking-inness to close the achievement gap.”

Well, the shirts are out. I don’t remember the last time I heard anybody talk about shirts being tucked in. We used to have very serious meetings about how important it is to uniformly enforce the dress code. Memos were written. There would literally be dress code raids in classrooms. Now, not so much. Aside from the shirts, the cell phones and the Doritos are also out. As is the soda. Mayhem. It takes real…skill?…I don’t know exactly what you call it when a teacher is able to continue to care, or at least pretend to care, about these things for the entire school year. I really can’t do it because I have never actually cared if anybody’s shirt has been tucked in or not, so even the faking it part is very hard for me by about September 8th. Not my style. So, why were we so worried about the shirts in the first place?

The wheels are coming off, as they always do this time of year. Even the most anal among us, even the earliest and most thirsty of the kool-aid guzzlers have begun to be worn down by the sheer silliness of it all. We turn a blind eye to the untucked shirt. We don’t get all serious and frowny every time we hear a student use “inappropriate language”. We assign less homework, which was rarely completed by anybody in the first place. We spend a greater portion of our planning period doing absolutely nothing. We look at the calendar. We look at the clock. We wish YouTube was not blocked on the school’s computers. We curse. We look at the clock. Fuck.

We think: “I really don’t want my planning period to end because then in will come my largest and most obnoxious class. But, on the other hand, every second that goes by is one more gone and brings me closer to my goal. So…I’ve been thinking about this for around 9 minutes…that’s about 2 percent of this day gone just doing that. Sweet.”

It’s all about the countdown now. Good luck and stay cool.

Mr. Teachbad


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