FAKE EDUCATION NEWS

Denver, CO-

To fully appreciate this post, you may want to quickly read through Fire Drill Not Taken Seriously, Part I

Sanford Morris begins to trudge down the hallway toward the south stairs, looking rather unworried.

The south stair has already become crowded and confused by the time Morris arrives. Students from the fourth and fifth floors have begun coming down. Morris’s job is to optimize the flow of students down the staircase as they approach his zone from Eagle Sector 4. He has not arrived in time to prevent large numbers of students from spilling out into the hallway toward the drinking fountain, bathroom, and the cool art teacher’s room. Movement of students from Eagle Sector 4 to Eagle Sector 3 has become both highly inefficient and extraordinarily loud. After shouting up the stairs, Morris soon realizes that the Fourth Floor Fire Bitch has not reported to her post on time either. “Bitch,” mutters Morris under his breath.

“BITCH!!!!”, shouts a student into her cell phone.

A serious bottleneck is now forming at Eagle Sector 3. Approaching the stairs from the north is Mr. Dickstench and his class of 31 sophomore biology students. “Hey, Morris”, says Dickstench.

“Hey, Dick.”

“What’s goin’ on with the stairs?” asks Dickstench.

“It’s just slow. Amy’s not at her post.”

“Her what?”

“Nevermind. Aren’t you in 401?”, asks Morris. “That’s about a quarter mile from here and right next to the staircase you are supposed to go down. Shit, even I know that, Dick. And, as you can see, we’re pretty backed up here. I want to stab myself in the face for saying this, but aren’t you supposed to be in ‘Raven Sector’.”

“Is that the other side of the building?”

“Yeah…where your classroom is, stupid.”

“I think a lot of us are coming over here,” confessed Dickstench. “Aren’t we supposed to meet in the cafeteria?”

“A lot of ‘who” are coming over here?”, asks Morris. “And why the fuck would you go to the cafeteria for a fire drill?”

“From the other side of the school…’Raven Sector’. You better get these stairs cleared,” says Dickstench…..”Fire drill?”

“Shit”, says Morris. “Is everybody over there stupid? That’s so Raven.”