EDUCATION NEWS

-Charlottesville, VA

For as long as most here can remember, the math department at Charlottesville High School in Charlottesville, VA has been a mysterious source of violence that has sometimes spilled out of the schoolhouse walls and into the surrounding community. This bucolic town of over 40,000 at the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains has again witnessed unspeakable violence, allegedly at the hands of its high school math department. All told, three math teachers and seven other individuals were found dead in an abandoned house on 8th Street, adjacent to the Maplewood Cemetary. Names of the dead have not been released and the remaining members of the math department have not been located. Charlottesville, VA looks and feels like the kind of place where citizens would express shock at the recent atrocities, and many have. But Jake “Big Jake” Elmers told reporters that “we know’d them math fuckers was crazy and it was only a matter o’time ‘for they’d be at it ag’in…Shit.” Elmers went on to describe the four previous mass-killings attributed to the Charlottesville High School math department since 1922.